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Find Your Next Girlfriend in Prison

So I was trolling around the Superman Home Page (as any self-respecting geek would be expected to do in the middle of the afternoon while avoiding actual work), when I came upon a great picture of (the quite sweet and respectable) Elisha Cuthbert, photoshopped by some nerd (yes, a nerd… a geek doesn’t have time for intense Photoshop stuff) to make Elisha look like Supergirl. Brilliant.


Why God created Photoshop.

So I Google-Image the name of the picture (“Kara 2007”), hoping to find the artist’s blog.* Perhaps he has a photoshopped picture of Natalie Portman as Batgirl. A guy can dream, anyway.

(Don’t look at me like that. I’m just a man, living a man’s life.)

So I’m skimming the search results, when I was lucky enough to glimpse an intriguing link, “ladies of the pen” dot com (NSFW). Based on the provocative picture of the overtly white-trash woman in the image, it was a pretty safe bet that the site wasn’t about young lady-authors. I click over to the site, and, sure enough! I have discovered the “premier Internet introduction and dating service” where you can browse a database of “over 5,000” female prison inmates! Conveniently, release and parole dates are provided in every profile. Personally, I’ve got my eye on Lori from Missouri:


The future ex-Mrs. Great White Snark.

This might surprise you, but I fell in love with her words before I fell for her looks. From her profile:

I love animals, I like to help people. I like to try new things, go to the boat and gamble every once in awhile and I love to dance. I love to ride horses, I don’t like to be bored. I like to stay busy and I don’t like liver and onions.

Liver and onions, indeed. She gets out in December, so I’m thinking a January wedding.

* I found the guy’ blog that originated the photoshopped image. Tragically, any contributions that this guy had previously made to society were wiped out by having a 30 Seconds to Mars song playing on his MySpace page. Jared Leto will rot your soul, dude.

5 comments… add one
  • nickolai March 6, 2007, 11:12 pm

    quite a nice find, GWS. I didn’t know that the prison system was so chock full of talent. Although, one must doubt the pics, when some of these alleged hotties have measurements like 33-36-32. Not exactly the hourglass which is pictured.

  • nickolai March 6, 2007, 11:13 pm

    oh but Lori from Missouri looks wonderful. I like the poofy sleeves and the demure hand clasp.

  • Great White Snark March 7, 2007, 12:36 am

    She’s positively dreamy.

  • Mylio March 15, 2007, 4:46 pm

    Me wants some nookie from wookie !!!

  • Great White Snark March 15, 2007, 6:39 pm

    Me want you to stop scaring little children.

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