So I was trolling around the Superman Home Page (as any self-respecting geek would be expected to do in the middle of the afternoon while avoiding actual work), when I came upon a great picture of (the quite sweet and respectable) Elisha Cuthbert, photoshopped by some nerd (yes, a nerd… a geek doesn’t have time for intense Photoshop stuff) to make Elisha look like Supergirl. Brilliant.
Why God created Photoshop.
So I Google-Image the name of the picture (“Kara 2007”), hoping to find the artist’s blog.* Perhaps he has a photoshopped picture of Natalie Portman as Batgirl. A guy can dream, anyway.
(Don’t look at me like that. I’m just a man, living a man’s life.)
So I’m skimming the search results, when I was lucky enough to glimpse an intriguing link, “ladies of the pen” dot com (NSFW). Based on the provocative picture of the overtly white-trash woman in the image, it was a pretty safe bet that the site wasn’t about young lady-authors. I click over to the site, and, sure enough! I have discovered the “premier Internet introduction and dating service” where you can browse a database of “over 5,000” female prison inmates! Conveniently, release and parole dates are provided in every profile. Personally, I’ve got my eye on Lori from Missouri:
The future ex-Mrs. Great White Snark.
This might surprise you, but I fell in love with her words before I fell for her looks. From her profile:
I love animals, I like to help people. I like to try new things, go to the boat and gamble every once in awhile and I love to dance. I love to ride horses, I don’t like to be bored. I like to stay busy and I don’t like liver and onions.
Liver and onions, indeed. She gets out in December, so I’m thinking a January wedding.
* I found the guy’ blog that originated the photoshopped image. Tragically, any contributions that this guy had previously made to society were wiped out by having a 30 Seconds to Mars song playing on his MySpace page. Jared Leto will rot your soul, dude.