By Great White Snark | April 12, 2007
You’d think that the richest man and most generous philanthropist on earth would get a bit of a halo effect from his accomplishments. Maybe even develop a bit of a mystique. But, no. It’s too difficult to get past the things that make Bill… Bill. Not the least of which is his utter nerdiness.
I mean, the dude gets a pie in the face when he visits
Is the “Humble Pie” joke too obvious, here?
So, in spite of his big brain, success, wealth, and contributions to the world, what is it, specifically, about Bill that makes him so loathsome and pathetic?
(Sadly, “loathsome and pathetic” are common qualities among many nerds. I’m looking at you, Trekkies. Or Trekkers. Whatever. Shut up.)
Recent examples demonstrate the top five reasons why Billy-boy can’t get no respect:
1. He has poor social graces.
Watch Bill’s exit from his interview on The Daily Show. His awkwardness will make you feel awkward, and the awkwardness then becomes exponential.
2. He is a shameless shill.
Bill has a bad case of, If I say it, that makes it true. Unfortunately, his exaltations of Microsoft products frequently fall short of reality. Subsequently, many of us think, If Bill Gates says it, it must not be true.
The reviews have been fantastic. This is a big, big advance in the Windows platform. It’s the world’s most used piece of software… Overall, the reliability feedback has been well better than we expected.
Quite high praise! Let’s see what folks who don’t poop gold bars have to say about it…
A reviewer at reputable technology site HardOCP.com spent thirty days with
Based on my personal experiences with Vista over a 30 day period, I found it to be a dangerously unstable operating system, which has caused me to lose data [...] Any consideration of the fine details comes in second to that one inescapable conclusion. This is an unstable operating system.
Ruht-roh, Shaggy! A crack in the wall!
But what about other reviews? A study by Harris Interactive shows that as more people become aware of Windows Vista, markedly smaller proportions of people who know about it are interested in upgrading. The more that people know… they less they like what they’re hearing!
Ok, Bill, so let me take a shot at this shilling thing: “Bill Gates is funny, charming and handsome. He has the prettiest eyes, and his personality lights up a room.”
Let the reviewers have a go at that one.
3. He’s an egotist with a lame sense of humor.
Advertising Age recently interviewed Bill Gates. Inevitably, the interviewer asked him what he thinks about John Hodgman’s portrayal of Gateszilla in the Get a Mac TV ads.
Bill didn’t like that question. So, Bill gave him the silent treatment.
Yes, the silent treatment. It went like this:
: OK, well, Bill Gates, thank you so much for joining us. GARFIELD
: Can I just have a clean goodbye? GARFIELD
: OK, can you just say goodbye? Thank you or goodbye or something like that? GARFIELD
4. He can be bought.
A net worth of $56 billion doesn’t stop Bill’s eyes from lighting up when someone offers him a gift that’ll stroke his hyper-competitive little ego.
Harvard: We’d like you to speak at our commencement this year.
Bill: That makes no sense. I dropped out of your stupid school after two years. Now I rule the world, no thanks to you. In your face!
Harvard: We’ll give you an honorary degree.
5. He can be a petty little bastard.
MIT’s non-profit initiative, One Laptop Per Child, has a pretty noble mission: To produce computers at such a low price-point that they’re accessible and available to children in the developing world.
Nevertheless, Bill went out of his way to publicly deride the project. Oh, but only after the head of the project, Nicholas Negroponte, rejected Windows in favor of using only open-source software on the devices.
Bitter, much, little man? Could it have to do with your hot-shit ultra-mobile PCs selling tens and tens of units?
This is the same guy who, in the early 1980s, fretted over re-securing shares of Microsoft should his co-founder (Paul Allen, who was wasting away from Hodgkin’s disease at the time) die. Nice priorities, dick.
UPDATE: File this under “humorless”.