It’s not unusual for geeks to have a toy or two lying around the house. In fact, it’s almost expected. I look with disdain upon a self-proclaimed geek who doesn’t have a healthy appreciation for finely-crafted reproductions of Generation 1 Transformers.
I once gave a collection of Star Wars Pez dispensers to a buddy as a wedding gift. Last I knew, he had proudly displayed them on the crown molding in his bedroom. (I also gave him and his wife some kitchen appliance or something. I’m not a total moron.)
Personally, I’ve got two full bookshelves of Batman toys, and I’m comfortable saying that I’m proud of them. The toys add some of my personality to the apartment, and most of the items have a story behind them. (Talk about a great conversation piece: In New Zealand, I got a Batman-themed, candy-filled capsule that looks very much like a Batman suppository.) I received several of the pieces (like my Limited 100th Edition figure and Justice League Unlimited motorcycle) as gifts. It’s a well-storied, interesting, little collection.
Again: Little collection. I’m not on a mission to own every piece of Batman memorabilia in existence. I don’t photograph myself smiling as I stand, self-satisfied, in front of my toys. I don’t troll Ebay for all the best Batman memorabilia deals. And I certainly don’t plan on letting my collection grow to the point where I need to dedicate a room to it. A room that would lend me the most nerdy sort of notoriety possible. A room where I–grinning like an idiot in front of my ridiculous piles of memorabilia–ould giddily share with interviewers the story of the vicious Ebay bidding war I had with a small Canadian boy over a Batman lamp that I eventually bought for $800.
Please, I have a Batman tattoo. I really don’t need to push the fanboy envelope any farther.
So, no, I’m not that guy. But when it comes to Wonder Woman stuff, Sam Hatmaker is that guy. And then some.
Horrific, Sam. If you had only gone coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs over the Green Lantern, I could at least give you credit for taste. I mean, you’d still be crazy, but at least you’d have something. I hope for your sake that you can find what you’re looking for, which–according to your MySpace Page–apparently includes:
Dwarfs, Faeries, Wizards, Witches, Superheroes, Freaks, My Nemesis, Hobbits, Elves, Amazons, Mermaids, Sirens, Cyclops, Unicorns, Conjoined Twins, Positive energy people, HUNKS, Tweerps, lackys, dweebs, squares, nerds, studs, prissys, fems, Exhibitionists, sluts, prudes, pigs, bottoms, tops, asexuals, weirdoes, delinquents, pervs, conformists, rebels, artists, people with no bowel control, someone with a stoma and anyone willing to be my Minions!
And listen, Sam, you’re gay, I get it. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. And you’ve already demonstrated a compelling lack of good judgment by spending over a thousand dollars on a Wonder Woman telephone. But your MySpace profile quote? A bit much…
“Can I Push Your Stool In?”
Thanks to Coolhunting.com for bringing this deranged fanboy to my attention.
(By the way, if you want to nut yourself–or do whatever it is you do when you’re excited–over new and vintage toy news, check out the Toy Bender blog. Random sampling: Remember version two of Storm Shadow? Well, they’re selling that exact same G.I. Joe figure, again. In