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The Good Bad and Ugly Top Five Lists

By Great White Snark | May 14, 2007

Last week I participated in ProBlogger’s Top 5 Group Writing Project. Why? ‘Cause I’m a sucker for free link-love, that’s why. My Technorati rank has skyrocketed to 110,414, which is the equivalent status of the scummy, encrusted, metaphorical bottom-of-the-barrel. But at least now I’m in the barrel!

The stipulation of participating (and getting mad-links from ProBlogger’s home page) was that I link to other entries that “resonated” with me. Fair enough.

Here are the Top 5 lists that got my attention, either for being right-on, so close, or dead wrong.

(Before you give me grief for capitalization inconsistencies, you Type As, know that I am quoting the titles directly from the entries.)

The Right-On

Top 5 Drunk Celebrities Caught on Video You know what’s sad? It’s hard to decide which is a bigger trainwreck of hilarity: Hasselhoff’s drunk video, or the video for his song, Jump In My Car.

Top 5 Ways To Improve Your Rock Climbing Skills Rock climbing just makes me feel good, the way coming home at 2am on a Saturday night and finding Die Hard playing on HBO feels good. Aaaah.

Top 5 Reasons to Marry a Geek The overly-elaborate home theater. Talk about resonating with me…

5 Reasons Why Stand-Up Comics Make Better Copywriters When you’re right, you’re right.

The So-Close

How To be More Sexy – Latina Style I’m certainly a fan of the Latina qualities that you’ve listed here, but I’m afraid I don’t see “Slammin’ Badonkadonk” among them.

Five TV Shows on the Bubble That Should Be Saved Veronica Mars. Jericho. How I Met Your Mother. Some of the most fun I have yelling at the TV is during these shows. And I hear Friday Night Lights is solid, too, I just don’t have any more room on my TV plate for it. You were almost a “right-on” with this entry, if it weren’t for What About Brian? Dude, what about Brian.

Five Favorite Comic Strip Characters The only correct answers is “Calvin & Hobbes”, so way to get one out of five right, champ. How dare you lump “Krazy” and “Buddy” (who?) in with everyone’s favorite stuffed tiger. How dare you, sir.

Top five things that guys really want Good effort, but let me help: Sex, BJs, illicit handies in public places, HDTV, and alone-time. (So we agree on alone-time. Cheers.)

My Top 5 Most Important Comics Sorry, The Dark Tower is not important. It’s exciting, especially if you enjoy Stephen King, but without all the annoying reading. The rest of your list is passable.

The Dead-Wrong

Top five video games that should be turned into movies Did you ever see Doom? Dungeons & Dragons? Bloodrayne? Street Fighter? Beginning to see a pattern, here? Your post was flawed from the moment you wrote the title.

Top 5 Things to Avoid Saying to a Lady You think that “Don’t you trust me?” is worse than, “Wow, in this light, I just now noticed your moustache. Do you ever wax it?” or “Yikes, what’s that smell? Close your legs.”* Clearly you don’t know women.

The top 5 lessons I learned at Kindermusik Yak. This reminds me of those “Everything I need to know, I learned from my teddy bear” posters that you find in the college dorm rooms of powerfully dorky freshman girls. Don’t ask me why I know what’s in the bedrooms of dorky college girls.

Top 5 Emerging Blogs Not included: Great White Snark. Your list has been judged… and found wanting. Repent.

* When I was about 13, I used that line… “Ugh, what’s that smell… close your legs!” …on my stepmother. It was such a horrific thing to say that I managed to pass into that mystical land where I avoided punishment because my parents were way too mind-blown to begin to know what to do to me.

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    12 Responses to “The Good Bad and Ugly Top Five Lists”

    1. Wavatar Jason of TVaholic Says:
      May 14th, 2007 at 3:16 am

      Dude, with What About Brian, you got to at least give me the visual appeal of the ladies on the show. It may not have been the best choice, but I needed a fifth show for the list and it was the only one I could think of at the time. Now, I am thinking that Raines on NBC would have been a better selection for number five on the list.

    2. Wavatar Great White Snark Says:
      May 14th, 2007 at 11:12 am

      Well, since I can’t think of a fifth one, either, you get a pass. Good to hear from you.

    3. Wavatar Roberta Rosenberg, The Copywriting Maven Says:
      May 14th, 2007 at 12:46 pm

      Thanks for the oh-so-nice shout-out of my blog post in your “Right-On” section (or should I have punned that with – Write On. On second thought, perhaps not :=) … and yes, Raines should have been the 5th listing.

    4. Wavatar Great White Snark Says:
      May 14th, 2007 at 12:53 pm

      I thank you for your pun-avoidance. So, Raines isn’t awful?

    5. Wavatar Ryan Bombard Says:
      May 14th, 2007 at 4:29 pm

      Good to see another blogger who appreciates climbing :)

    6. Wavatar Great White Snark Says:
      May 14th, 2007 at 4:35 pm

      Indeed. Unfortunately, I’ve been more “appreciating” than “doing” lately.

    7. Wavatar nickolai Says:
      May 14th, 2007 at 6:51 pm

      Wow — I used to use that “close your legs” line, at around the same age too. I remember being flummoxed by the glares I received. I never managed to use it on my parental units though, so good job with that.

    8. Wavatar Rusignola Says:
      May 14th, 2007 at 8:13 pm

      I feel like you could do this better — http://www.maxim.com/slideshows/index.aspx?imgCollectId=186

    9. Wavatar Great White Snark Says:
      May 14th, 2007 at 8:45 pm

      Ha, I especially like the fat X-Wing pilot from Star Wars. They molded the action-figure version of him to scale.

    10. Wavatar Douglas Says:
      May 15th, 2007 at 8:57 am

      but but kitt!!

    11. Wavatar Great White Snark » Blog Archive » Top 10 Most Tragic Geek TV Show Cancellations Says:
      May 17th, 2007 at 1:16 am

      [...] CBS has announced its Fall line-up, and Jericho isn’t on the schedule. Crikey. As I mentioned last week, some of the most fun I’ve had yelling at the TV during this past season has been at Jericho [...]

    12. Wavatar Lew Says:
      January 26th, 2009 at 4:05 am

      Hey There, Great White Snark!

      Thank You for noticing my ” Top 5 List “.

      As far as Stephen Kings contribution to my ” Top 5 “, I stand by the choice at the time it was made ”
      I will come out and admit, if I were making that list today, King would not be included for anything that has come since that list was made.

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