That’s too bad. The past week had been going so well for Japan. First, Miss Japan, Riyo Mori, won the Miss Universe crown, through sheer force of will, charm, and wit.

Charm.

Wit.

Then, Fortune magazine featured the Nintendo Wii on its cover for being more effective at keeping people in front of their TVs than instant-replays of a Janet Jackson nipple slip. (These jokes are fresh out of the oven, folks.)

Finally, a dastardly mass-purloiner of women’s clothing and undergarments was indicted in Osaka. This dude had stolen over 8,200 articles of women’s clothing and had stuffed them all into his one-bedroom apartment. At night, he would wrap himself up in the clothes to got to sleep. At least you can’t accuse him of not appreciating what he had. You could probably accuse him of taking deep, prolonged whiffs of what he had, though.

UPDATE: Uh, oh. Signs of an epidemic, anyone?

All in all, not a bad week for the street cred of The Land of the Rising Sun. That’s why it’s so unfortunate that Japan had to cap off the week by giving up one of its world-record titles.

A California man has set a new world record by downing 59 and one-half hot dogs in just 12 minutes. 22-year-old Joe Chestnut shattered the previous record held by professional competitive eater Takeru Kobayashi. Kobayashi ate 53 and three-quarter hot dogs at last year’s annual Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Championship.

Oh, the humanity! These two gladiators will face-off next month at Nathan’s International Hot Dog Eating Contest in Coney Island, NY.

In the meantime, Japan still holds the lead in competitive Sumo baby crying. In this sport, baby-wielding contestants gently shake their infants to see how powerfully they can cry.

You know who’d be awesome at this game? Former au pair, Louise Woodward. Yeah.

Thanks to Japan Probe for the goodness.

UPDATE: Ruht-roh! Looks like Kobayashi might not defend his title next month, in favor of a “sabbatical.” (Best line from this article: “American Joey “Jaws” Chestnut recently scoffed down 59 and 1/2 hot dogs”. He doesn’t scarf them down… he contemptuously laughs the hot dogs into submission.)

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