Part One

I’m not quite done perfecting my screening process for potential Perfect Geek-Friendly Girlfriends. I’m also not done alienating all those Paris Hilton-emulating, bobble-headed bimbos out there.

‘Cause you know they all read this blog.

And by “read”, I mean, “look at all the pretty pictures“.

Beauty and the Geek

On with Part Two of the quiz.

8) What’s your favorite digital sub-compact camera?
a) The one I saw Lindsay Lohan carrying in those pictures of her on TheSuperficial.com. The pink case is so cute! (-10)
b) My camera has a screen on the back. Is that a sub-compact? (+0)
c) The one I saw Steve Wozniak carrying when he was in line to buy an iPhone. The Carl Zeiss lens is so nice! (+5)
d) Any nice Canon or Sony that fits in my pocket will do, since I’d be carrying my SLR with me, otherwise. (+10)

9) Is there a God?
a) Jesus Christ is my savior. I know he loves me, even though I didn’t save myself for marriage. Many, many times. (-15)
b) God is a woman. (+0)
c) I don’t know. Why don’t we discuss Richard Dawkins’ latest book over burritos and beer? (+10)

10) What are you looking for in a boyfriend?
a) Broad shoulders, likes to party, expensive car, and a sense of humor… someone who will laugh at Two and a Half Men with me. (-20)
b) A viable sperm donor. My eggs don’t have much time left. (-5)
c) Someone who can fix my computer and can help me win at Trivial Pursuit. (+5)
d) Someone who visits Digg and Reddit and calls it “reading the news”. (+15)

11) Star Wars or Star Trek?
a) What? Ew. (-10)
b) I don’t know… is there anything else on TV tonight? (+0)
c) Let me ask you this: Would you prefer that we have sex tonight, or that I beat you with a sock full of quarters while you’re sleeping? Never threaten me with Star Trek again if you want this relationship to work. (+15)

12) I’m sick in bed. What do you do?
a) That sounds so boring. I’m going shopping. Yay! [Clapping.] (-15)
b) Are you contagious? (+0)
c) Sounds like you need a bowl of chicken soup. (+5)
d) Sounds like you need some chicken soup, a new game for your PSP, the first season of Buffy on DVD, and a stack of new comics to help you feel better. (+20)

13) What are your feelings on Internet porn?
a) The one with Paris Hilton? OMG, she’s s-o-o-o-o-o pretty. (-10)
b) Don’t ask, don’t tell. (+0)
c) Just promise me you won’t use Internet Explorer 6. I don’t need a bunch of spyware junk crashing my computer, ok? (+15)

14) Did you read The Onion this week?
a) Why would I read a fruit? Freak. (-15)
b) Is that the magazine that makes fun of Bush? (+0)
c) I’ve got an online subscription. It’s the best way to kill time at work. Depending on my mood, sometimes I prefer Fark, though. (+15)

Add up your score:

• -95 through -35:  Suck a tailpipe. Paris Hilton would.
• -30 through 10:  Do you know you’re boring? Because you are. This test proves it. Statistically.
• 15 through 75:  A geek won’t mind hanging out with you. As long as it’s in a group. With a lot of distractions.
• 80 through 100:  Do a geek a favor and introduce yourself, Sunshine.

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