Why the big fuss, Gus? Sure a clever, catchy, or cool title is all well and good, but no amount of clunkiness (Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull) is going to stop the fanboy (and -girl) legions from spending two hours watching a 65-year-old man in a fedora move with the skill and agility of a 55-year-old man. In a fedora.
Would you even consider not seeing the next Bond movie, even if it were, indeed, called Property of a Lady? (Listen, I know that a movie franchise that’s been around for over 45 years is probably running low on suitably-cool-sounding potential titles, but Lord Moses in Heaven, that’s just bad. Just call it Handbag of a Dandy, why don’t you?) No, we’re all going to see it when it comes out, and we’re all going to enjoy its shameless pilfering of gimmicks from lesser, smaller-budgeted action movies.
So why all the hubbub, Bub? If movie names for geek movies are really such a big deal, I figured I’d get the ball rolling with my own names and taglines for upcoming geek movie features and sequels.
- Lost Boys 2
– The Really Lost Boys. Like Angus Sutherland, Keifer’s long-lost half-brother.
- Highlander 5 – There Can Be Only One. Not counting the other ones.
- G.I. Joe – A Real American Hero When He’s Not Racking Up Collateral Damage
- The Departed 2 – Everybody Dies. Again.
- Terminator 4 – Time traveling cyborgs are a never-ending bitch.
- Superman Returns Again. Now more lifelike than ever!
- Underworld 3 – Three times the skintight leather.
- Cloverfield – The Cryptically Enigmatic Monster Movie of Opaqueness
- Tron – Journey to the Center of Buy.com
- Thundercats – Half Man, Half Cat, All CGI
- Masters of the Universe – I Have the Power! To kick a dead franchise while it’s down.
- Starship Troopers 3 – Troopers go where audiences won’t venture.
- Hollow Man 2 – The Story of Kevin Bacon’s Career
- The Mummy 3 – Bad dialogue can’t keep a good mummy down.
Ok, what have you got?