FriendFeed
StumbleUpon
Twitter
YouTube« The Coolest Upcoming Cartoons for Geeks | Main | What’s So Very Wrong With This Picture of the New Captain America? »
Real-Life Celebrities Who Should Fight Zombies in Comics and Movies
By Great White Snark | October 10, 2007
I tell you what… God hates him some zombies. At least in the realm of comic books.
The Pope and his buddy Jesus have battled zombie hordes in (brilliant) writer Robert Kirkman’s Battle Pope. More recently, thanks to Stephen Lindsay (soon to be appearing here in an interview by yours truly), Jesus continues his zombie-bustin’ adventures in Jesus Hates Zombies. Finally, the production company behind 300 just picked up the rights to comedian Brian Posehn’s The Last Christmas
I see this as the early stages of a burgeoning new genre for comic books (and subsequently for movies, of course). A zombie sub-genre in which all kinds of larger-than-life, unexpected characters take up the charge against the brain-eaters.
Why should God’s messengers get to have all the fun?
Bill O’Reilly
Who needs to scrounge for weapons when you can deter and disorient the zombies with bombastic, ill-reasoned diatribes.
Carrot Top
Just how fun would it be to see shemale-ish, prop-comic Carrot Top dragging around a chest full of wacky, cobbled-together zombie-fighting gadgets?
And then see him get eaten? Slowly?
Shaquille O’Neal
…as his character from Kazaam. ‘Nuff said.
Michael Jackson
The perfect double-agent. He can infiltrate the zombie ranks disguised as, well… himself… and then burst their ugly zombie skulls wide open with a high-pitched shriek.
Accompanied by a kick, point, and spin, of course.
UPDATE: I told you he could pass for a zombie.
Vladimir Putin
Not only can the Russian President put his 6th-degree black belt in Judo to good use, but he can also employ his special attack: creating deadly fireballs with a lighter and his vodka-powered belches.
He’s no Boris Yeltsin, but unfortunately Boris is in some cemetery plot somewhere, preparing for his fat, drunk, zombie-rific return.
Paris Hilton
Give Paris about eight tequila shooters and put her behind the wheel of an SUV. Then let’s see how motivated those zombies really are.
Run away, you lifeless bitches! Run away!
Denis Kucinich and his Wife
Do you ever look at them and think that perhaps they’re ready to spring into ninja action at any time? I envision this scenario where she swings him around in a deadly arc like a tiny, flailing, well… a tiny, flailing Denis Kucinich.
If you enjoyed this post, consider subscribing to Great White Snark by email or by RSS.
Topics: Comics, Zombies | 5 Comments »
October 10th, 2007 at 9:55 am
If I weren’t laughing so hard, I’d have some suggestions of my own.
October 10th, 2007 at 10:57 am
Best title for a blog post ever! Hilarious.
October 10th, 2007 at 11:51 am
Have you seen Carrot Top in the last year or so? That guy is ripped. I believe he’s turned to the roids because he’s bashed so much.
October 10th, 2007 at 12:18 pm
Hey, Paul, I have… sadly his new buffness has done nothing for his face. Or personality. Or act.
If anything, it will lend itself pretty well to a zombie-fightin’ action comic.
January 25th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Love love love all the zombie stuff. Hilarious. My new Top Read of the Day for sure (about on par with The Superficial!).