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The Top Ten Things Geeks Should be Thankful For This Thanksgiving 2007

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

10. First-person shooters

There’s been no shortage of great 1st-person shooters released this year: Halo 3, Bioshock, Crysis, Call of Duty 4, and Half-Life 2: Episode Two.

Nor has there been a shortage of baddies available for pwnage in these titles; take your pick of aliens, mutants, and even North Koreans.

Let’s all do our part this Thanksgiving and strangle a Commie.

If any of the big game studios are looking for ideas for antagonists in the next Big Honkin’ Game, may I suggest those crowds of “my network” people from the Verizon commercials? (Bam! Bam! “Where’s your network now, four eyes?!”)

9. Microsoft Vista

If not for Vista, Apple fanboys everywhere wouldn’t have been able to elevate their collective sense of superiority to such a dizzying level. Give thanks, Leopard devotees… give thanks.

Plus, ragging on Microsoft is fun for everyone! Thanks for the big, ugly target, Microsofties!

8. Marvel Comics digital comics service

Finally, Marvel does something that doesn’t make me want to club myself over the head with a comically-large rubber hammer.

Now that I have my MBA, I know for a certainty that paying almost as much as I’d pay for a paperback novel to read a comic book is not a good deal.

I figured it out. In a spreadsheet.

On the other hand, paying a few bucks every month for access to thousands of comic book back-issues? That is a good deal. I’m telling you… I’ve done the math, people.

7. Kristen Bell

Now in four delicious flavors: Veronica Mars, Elle on Heroes, model for uber-video-game Assassin’s Creed, and fanboy pinup girl.


6. Joss Whedon returns to TV

A few weeks ago, Whedon announced plans to pen a new series (starring former vampire slayer Eliza Dushku) that will air on Fox–home to his grossly-mishandled and short-lived series, Firefly.

I haven’t seen a sucker for abuse like this since Britney Spears’s last kid.

5. The return of Jericho to TV

As every little geek knows: if you pray hard enough, and long enough… Stephen Hawking will hear you and create a miracle.

4. Buffy the Vampire Slayer – Season 8

Ok, so seasons six and seven weren’t the greatest. So why were geeks everywhere all a-twitter over the canceled series returning to life in comic books this year?

Think of it like this. Even when sex is just mediocre, you’d rather have some sex than no sex. I mean, hello! It’s sex!

3. Hollywood loves geeks

Don’t believe me? Just because Hollywood foisted Moonlight, Bionic Woman, and Journeyman upon us doesn’t mean I’m wrong. We also got Reaper, Pushing Daisies, and the upcoming Sarah Connors Chronicles.

Not to mention a messy pantload of comic book movies.

At least they’re trying, people.

2. The iPhone

Let’s admit it, shall we? Even if you haven’t been able to afford one, it’s given geeks everywhere something to talk about. A lot.

Even if that ‘something’ has been that you haven’t been able to afford one. Sucker.

1. The Internet

Whether you’re enjoying YouTube, Facebook, Amazon, Ebay or Adult FriendFinder, remember to appreciate the fact that Congress did at least one thing right this year: putting a moratorium on Internet-access taxes until 2014.

Jewish son of God bless America.

9 comments… add one
  • Nathan D November 21, 2007, 10:20 pm


  • Karen November 22, 2007, 8:16 am

    My hubby plays the ‘Age of Empires’ endless series of games…I’m have him nuke a commie for you. He’s really good at blowing stuff up!

    Hey, my frog stack looks GOOD on you baby!

  • Anim8or November 22, 2007, 9:09 am

    ahhh.. Crysis…. we joke about this one at work. We say we won’t ever have to do a sequel because every time you buy a new computer for the next 5 years, you will be able to turn on things that make the game look new. Can’t wait for 2012 when I can play the game on “High Quality” with my quad Intel octa-core processors and my physics card helping my nVidia GeForce 10K Ultra 7 (with 1 gig of ram on the card) push those pretty graphics through at 20fps…

    my current machine is 8 months old, and just gets by on minimum settings… yay!


  • Nima November 22, 2007, 11:19 am

    Excellent post.

  • Cindi November 22, 2007, 4:01 pm

    I’m thankful I’m not a geek.


  • Great White Snark November 22, 2007, 4:49 pm

    Yeah, I built my computer in the last eight months, too, and I’m pretty stoked to run Crysis on Medium settings. I can’t wait ’til 2012 when I can see the pores in the Commies’ faces before I shoot them. Or nuke them. (Cheers on the idea for a nuke gun, btw. Now Age of Empires doesn’t have the market cornered on obliterating masses of pinkos.)

  • Jason - GorillaSushi November 23, 2007, 2:11 pm

    6.5 – Geeks everywhere will be able to use the name “Dushku” in conversation again…and that makes me snicker.

    Douche Goo.

  • Panda July 20, 2009, 12:51 am

    Hahahahahaha riiiiight because geeks use Macs. Anyone who knows anything about being a geek uses Linux…

  • Nathan D July 20, 2009, 12:57 am

    @Panda, [insert obligatory “geek” vs. “nerd” discussion here]

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