≡ Menu

Top Ten: What Would Brett Ratner Twitter?

The world’s clearly going to hell in a handbasket, but there’s really no excuse for director Brett Ratner doing his damndest to speed things along.

Today, news came out that Mr. “I’ve never met a pandering, lowbrow script I didn’t like” Ratner is attached to direct Eddie “Too lame to deserve a clever nickname” Murphy in the next installment of Beverly Hills Cop. Yeah. Beverly Hills Cop.

Because apparently the last sequel didn’t quite suck hard enough to open up a wormhole that would have allowed Ratner to return to his home galaxy of Humonculus Anus 17. Or maybe the rights to the next Police Academy sequel were all tied up.

Either way, you’ve got wonder about a dude who so insistently shovels cinematic dog vomit upon the world. What sorts of things occupy the mind and the time of a grossly-overpaid, short-bus-riding hack? What would Twitter1 reveal?

A revealing snippet of Ratner’s Twitter stream:

  1. Lounging at the pool. Drinking tequila. Ordering teenage Asian hookers off the internet.
  2. Alphabetizing my cologne collection.
  3. Firing the maid. She forgot to polish the solid gold statue of me in the foyer. Bitch.
  4. @Candi Thanks for the “massage” today. How much do I owe you again?
  5. Watching Attack of the Clones. Damn. Just brilliant.
  6. @christucker Dude. Just had a f**king killer idea: RUSH HOUR 4! I can’t believe I didn’t think of this sooner.
  7. Anyone seen my assistant? Seriously, I sent him to find me some blow over an hour ago.
  8. Fresno campus of Devry University just offered me an honorary degree. Who’s stupid now, haters!?
  9. Fact: Dancers at the Pink Pony give the best head.
  10. By the way, can anyone hook me up w/ any meds for treating the clap?

1 If you’re unfamiliar with Twitter it’s a service that allows you to publicly notify your friends and contacts of your daily activities and thoughts in 140-character-or-less updates from your phone, computer, or the Web. Which is ridiculous in theory but addictive in practice.

If you enjoyed this post, consider subscribing to Great White Snark by email or by RSS. It’s free.

5 comments… add one
  • Nathan D May 30, 2008, 7:45 am

    BHC the original seemed so sweet at the time — and Eddie Murphy was on such a strong upswing in his career at that point. Then came a long string of seeking ways to widdle the bottom of the barrel out that last bit more to get see if he could get lower…

  • Cindi May 30, 2008, 10:22 am

    Brilliant. Contempt inspires you, Great White Snark.

  • nickolai May 30, 2008, 12:58 pm

    Am I crazy, or was Ratner-directed Red Dragon an OK flick? Definitely not Silence of the Lambs or anything, but I was surprised how ‘decent’ it was, considering Ratner’s pedigree…

  • Great White Snark May 30, 2008, 1:03 pm

    @nickolai: Yeah. You’re crazy.

  • Paul May 30, 2008, 1:58 pm

    Sigh… I like Attack of the Clones.

Leave a Comment