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Street Fighter vs Double Dragon – Battle of the Redundant Geek Movies

In this 1994 production based on a popular martial arts combat video game, a pair of scrappy brothers-in-arms–one Asian, one white–join a diverse group of do-gooders battling a diabolical madman trying to harness the power of a weapon that will allow him to take over the world.

Double that synopsis and you’ve got Street Fighter and Double Dragon. Because Super Mario Bros. had gone so well in 1993 that Hollywood was all, “Hey, let’s double-down on painfully mindless video game movies next year! And someone fast-track that Pluto Nash script while we’re at it.”

Street Fighter Poster Double Dragon Poster

Point: Jean Claude Van Damme is awful, but at least he’s believable as an on-screen martial artist.

Meanwhile, much as Jaleel White will always be Urkel from Family Matters in our minds, Scott Wolf–who headlined Double Dragon as Billy Lee–will always be that whiny, doe-eyed douche from Party of Five who got to make out with Jennifer Love Hewitt. His inherent feebleness precludes any credibility as an action star.

Oh, what’s that? He also guest-starred on an episode of Blossom? DOUBLE FAIL.

ADVANTAGE: Street Fighter

Point: Seriously, though. Jean Claude Van Damme is really, really awful in Street Fighter.

I’d tell you to watch and judge for yourself, but that’d be like asking you to smell-check some spoiled milk for me.

ADVANTAGE: Double Dragon

Point: Robert Patrick went from Terminator 2… to this?

Robert Patrick in Double Dragon

It hurts me to look at him when he’s like this, all done up like a super-evil interior decorator.

ADVANTAGE: Street Fighter

Point: I’ve got two reasons to sit through Double Dragon: Alyssa Milano.

Get it? No? I’m referring to the two reasons she got hired for Poison Ivy II. And I don’t mean her personality and acting skills.

Yes. Boobs. Happy now? I had to spell out the boob joke for you. God.

ADVANTAGE: Double Dragon

Point: Really, Alyssa? That hair?

Alyssa Milano in Double Dragon

Apparently the hair and make-up budget on Double Dragon amounted to a bottle of hair bleach.

ADVANTAGE: Street Fighter

Point: Both films feature hideous mutants. But only one of them had the courtesy not to blatantly rip off Pizza the Hutt from Spaceballs.

ADVANTAGE: Street Fighter

Point: Street Fighter featured iconic actor Raul Julia in his last role before his death.

Of course, Street Fighter also subjected Julia to his most humiliating role, right before his death.

ADVANTAGE: Draw

WINNER: Street Fighter

With all of its frosted hair tips and Scott Wolf pussy-fication, Double Dragon never really stood a chance.

Any points that you’d like to throw into the mix, people?

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8 comments… add one
  • nickolai June 20, 2008, 8:54 am

    (Un)fortunately I haven’t seen either, but I did like Mortal Kombat when it came out. Even bought the technoriffic soundtrack.

  • sir jorge June 20, 2008, 9:43 am

    I can’t believe i saw both of these films as a teen

  • Paul June 20, 2008, 1:14 pm

    Dude, seriously its so unnerving watching Raul Julia getting his ASS HANDED TO HIM knowing he died in real life shortly afterwards. When I saw S.F. I just wanted to shout at the scream, “Stop it you’re killing an old man!”

  • Nathan D June 20, 2008, 5:37 pm

    That video made me throw up in my mouth a little.

  • Nima June 20, 2008, 7:08 pm

    Ahem… the other dragon in Double Dragon was none other than The Chairman from Iron Chef America. And the guys actually a *real* martial artist.

    Also, Jean Claude Van Damm got his ass kicked by a chick in the penguin suit (aka “the greatest fight scene in the history of cinema EVER!”): http://youtube.com/watch?v=eftKwZzT15U

  • Shawn June 20, 2008, 8:34 pm

    Pop sensation and sex fiend Kylie Minogue as Cammy blows away Alyssa Milano with ugly hair. Advantage Street Fighter.

    There is also the blatant rip-off of the Rebels planning the Death Star trench attack scene (and is beyond poorly acted by Captain Sawada), but that might be more of a disadvantage.

  • Great White Snark June 21, 2008, 12:49 pm

    Shawn, I completely forgot about Kylie Minogue. Bonus points for both Street Fighter, and for you.

    Too bad she followed-up with Bio-Dome.

  • draco January 22, 2009, 9:00 pm

    Oh so this a debate as to which movie sucked more? In my opinion, they were equally awful. They turned Street Fighter from a tournament into a GI Joe ripoff and Double Dragon was subjected to further bastardization after the comic book and the cartoon. I think Technos and Capcom should have kicked the asses of the Hollywooed hacks that ruined their creations.
    It was painfully obvious that the writers for both movies have obviously never played either Street Fighter or Double Dragon to follow the storylines correctly. And I’m not even going to go into the cast they chose. Hopefully, they will remake these two movies and learn from their mistakes.

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