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The Top Five Awful R2-D2 Cakes

Here on GWS, I regularly lavish goodwill and praise upon honest-to-goodness talented cake artisans who bless our Yahweh-forsaken little planet with the simple joys elicited by first-rate geeky cakes.

But it’s time once again to turn our attention to the ham-handed, artistically-impaired, wannabe cake makers who bring another sort of pleasure to you and me, the arbiters of these sorts of pastry proceedings: the petty joy of scorn and derision.

Mmmmmmm… delicious pettiness.


Awful R2D2 Cake 5

I wonder if R2 screamed when they took his legs. Or was he too busy doing his impression of a cheap piñata…?


Awful R2D2 Cake 4

Eli, Mommy knows that you wanted a cake for your birthday, but Mommy could only find a container of vanilla frosting, a box of pancake mix, and half a tube of food coloring in the cupboard this morning, ok?

Now run along and play, Eli. Mommy drank too much happy juice last night and needs a nap.


Awful R2D2 Cake 3

Yeah, if that’s R2-D2, then by the same criteria (“Duhhhr, it’s basically got all the right parts, duhhhrrr…”), I’m Twiki from Buck Rogers.

Perhaps, cake maker person, you should select a simpler subject for your next effort. In the meantime, I wouldn’t take any tests that depend on an aptitude for photographic recall. That wouldn’t go well for you.


Awful R2D2 Cake 2

This is either a unfortunate stab at modern impressionism or the efforts of a spindly-armed stoner with A.D.D. Either way… this is one poor, misshapen bastard.


Awful R2D2 Cake

Listen, it’s one thing to use M&Ms in lieu of frosting to detail R2’s exterior (P.S. what the fug?), but it’s another to be completely arbitrary about the design. At this point, why not make him a fedora out of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and call it a day?

Talkback: Chime in, people! Which one’s your (least) favorite?

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14 comments… add one
  • Paul July 2, 2008, 8:30 am

    I actually think #1 is the best in terms of it being like a modernist look at R2-D2… I mean at least it’s three dimensional AND has legs. heh

  • nickolai July 2, 2008, 9:27 am

    I agree, #1 kinda hearkens me back to the graphics of Atari 2600. I love those graphics. So lay off.

  • Shithead July 2, 2008, 9:44 am

    Great post!

    It’s a real shame on #1 – they got the hard bits down of getting the legs, and the pro look of propping the R2 body off the ground. Proportions a little off, but that could have been forgiven. Did they just get tired of working on it and crapped out with the m & m’s? I agree, it sucks. For some reason I really really want eat #2… I am pretending it is cupcake size. Om nom nom.

  • Nima July 2, 2008, 1:11 pm

    What I love about #1 is that you can kind of make out the disinterested kid in the background, clearly dreaming of the day when he can dump his parents in a crappy nursing home.

  • Great White Snark July 2, 2008, 2:01 pm

    I’m with Shithead (and Nima, for that matter)… obviously #1 was the closest to reasonably resembling an actual R2-D2 form… and then they had to go an hose it with the random patterns of M&Ms. An insult, really.

    Nickolai and Paul, I think you’re giving way too much credit to the cake maker in terms of both creativity and artistic talent. I think what we’re seeing here is nothing short of laziness.

  • nickolai July 3, 2008, 12:07 pm

    I refuse to back down. I clicked through to the source site, and the recipient kid of cake #1 looks plenty happy with his R2 cake.

    In fact, I’ll go one further, and say that any 4-year old should be freaking ecstatic to receive ANY of these cakes. Any more effort invest into a 4YO’s cake is wasted. Context matters.

    If my wife were to present one of these cakes to me on my 30th birthday, though, that’s a different story altogether…

  • Great White Snark July 3, 2008, 12:10 pm

    Nickolai, I don’t think you’re giving four-year-olds enough credit for having discerning tastes.

    Or perhaps you don’t remember the demanding little muggle from last week who got the Millennium Falcon cake?

  • nickolai July 3, 2008, 12:24 pm

    That MF cake was amazing, no doubt. But alls I’m saying is that if you give that cake to him when he’s 4, how do you top that when he turns 5, then 6, 7, 10, 13, etc.?

    By the time he’s 10, there’s no cake you could give him that wouldn’t disappoint his by-then spoiled arse. So why dig yourself into that hole?

    And aesthetically, something about cake #1 just speaks to me.

  • Dan July 24, 2008, 5:19 pm

    Okay, as the recipient of number 5—that’s my post you snagged the pic from—I have to say that there were legs; unfortunately, it proved difficult to attach them for structural reasons. My lovely friend Kristen made this cake for me for my birthday in her spare time—she’s off getting her certificate in bakery and pastries at the Culinary Institute of America now, so I think her cake-making skills are actually pretty darn good. Plus, you didn’t even show the back, which reads “I <3 Wookies”. Come on! Thoroughness!

    Oh, and need I mention, most importantly, that the cake was delicious.

  • Rhiannon July 25, 2008, 4:48 pm

    So, slightly unrelated, I had lofty goals (much like the above cake-decorators’ lofty goals) of making a cake that was a Delorean, because we were having a Back to the Future themed birthday party (that’s right. joint party with myself. I made my own birthday cake.)

    Then I realized that I had absolutely no skill whatsoever.

    So. While it is terribly embarrassing to show this off, I can’t resist throwing this into the ring.

    Enjoy. http://flickr.com/photos/rhiannononon/2585593716/in/set-72157605655109265/

  • Mara August 6, 2008, 9:07 am

    betcha #4 is a vegan cake… very shallow and bland-erific…/bleah/

  • Iris March 15, 2009, 6:59 am

    I dunno. If someone made me a cake in the shape of something I liked, I wouldn’t care if it didn’t look picture-perfect. I couldn’t do any better than any of these cakes, which were at least made with love.

    I think your minds are oversaturated with processed images, so you think these perfectly servicable things are crappy because they don’t match the airbrushed and CGI’d things you’d see on television.

  • Great White Snark March 15, 2009, 9:56 pm

    @Iris: It must be lonely not getting the joke, grandma.

  • 2wm October 14, 2009, 7:29 pm

    #5 looks like a cross between mr. bill, r2d2 and a dildo.

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