I finally had a chance to watch my DVD review copy of The Ruins – Unrated Edition, and the results weren’t pretty.
It’s not that I have anything against graphic self-mutilation or wiggling, three-foot-long mutant worms being pulled from gaping bodily wounds. No, not at all. I usually start my day with a bowl of Cornflakes and a serrated hunting knife dragged across my abdomen, just to see what’s what with my lower intestine.
“Oh, hello,” I say to my innards. “You’re looking quite pink, today. I see Mr. Liver and Mr. Kidney are still neighbors. That’s all well and good. I wonder how Mr. Pancreas is doing… where’s that knife, again?”
Rather than strain my vocabulary constructing three different ways to say “needlessly graphic” and “gross isn’t the same as scary,” I have constructed a Haiku to address my feelings on The Ruins.
There is a brief topless scene.
There is nothing else.
The daylight is not scary.
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