≡ Menu

Haiku Review: The Ruins Unrated DVD

I finally had a chance to watch my DVD review copy of The Ruins – Unrated Edition, and the results weren’t pretty.

It’s not that I have anything against graphic self-mutilation or wiggling, three-foot-long mutant worms being pulled from gaping bodily wounds. No, not at all. I usually start my day with a bowl of Cornflakes and a serrated hunting knife dragged across my abdomen, just to see what’s what with my lower intestine.

“Oh, hello,” I say to my innards. “You’re looking quite pink, today. I see Mr. Liver and Mr. Kidney are still neighbors. That’s all well and good. I wonder how Mr. Pancreas is doing… where’s that knife, again?”

Rather than strain my vocabulary constructing three different ways to say “needlessly graphic” and “gross isn’t the same as scary,” I have constructed a Haiku to address my feelings on The Ruins.

There is a brief topless scene.
There is nothing else.
The daylight is not scary.

If you enjoyed this post, consider subscribing to Great White Snark by or by RSS. It’s free.

3 comments… add one
  • Paul July 30, 2008, 10:57 am


    Yeah, this movie didn’t like it was for me at all. I read the plot outline of the novel on wikipedia and it seemed like a good story, but I didn’t feel the need to watch the film.

  • Sara August 2, 2008, 8:27 pm

    I love the blog, I’ve been giggling all evening paging through it.

    I’m no venerable Haiku master, but can any minimalist 3 line poem be considered Haiku these days? If my memory of 4th grade english class serves the Haiku requires a strict 5/7/5 syllable structure.

    Anal retentive?
    Maybe. I am what I am.
    But I’m just sayin’…

  • Great White Snark August 3, 2008, 12:27 am

    @Sara, just goes to show you how very, very lazy I was when I wrote this. Which is to say… very.

    Glad you’re been enjoying the blog.

Leave a Comment