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The Top Ten Most Annoying Voices in Geek Movies

There’s nothing like getting ripped from the escapism of a well-crafted sci-fi, fantasy, comic book, or animated movie by the sound of an actor’s distractingly-annoying voice.

It’s like getting a phone call when LOST is on. Someone, somewhere clearly should have known better.

Speaking of not knowing better, it’s no accident that several of these sprang from the works of George Lucas.

10) Draco Malfoy in Harry Potter

I get it. Draco is meant to be an unlikable, weasely little bastard. Well, mission accomplished.

Whenever he speaks up, I suddenly feel compelled to endorse corporal punishment in schools. Especially wizardry schools.

9) The Humans in Wall-E

The sound effects that have sole reign over the first part of the movie make the experience almost poetic.

But then poetry becomes “Who Let the Dogs Out?” when the humans show up.

8) Shia LaBeouf in Transformers

I just hate the sound of Mutt’s voice. The end.

7) Batman in The Dark Knight

Is it just me, or did Christian Bale make his Batman-voice progressively more raspy throughout the movie? I think he overshot “mysterious and tough” and landed squarely in “phlegmy.”

6) Ahsoka in Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Just as ninjas should not wear pink, Jedi Padawans should not sound like they just stepped off the set of High School Musical: The Tween Years.

5) The Neimoidians of the Trade Federation in the Star War Prequels

Characters like these make you wonder whether George Lucas was really trying to tell a story about Darth Vader, or if he was actually using a major film franchise to none-to-subtley spread his favorite racial stereotypes.

Really? East Asians are deceptive and cowardly? Are they good at math and playing the violin, too, George?

4) Brendan Fraser in The Mummy Trilogy

Making 77% of your lines sound “wacky” only works if your name is Jim Carrey. Otherwise, you’re just an unfunny, Play-Doh-faced dope, mugging it up for the camera.

With hair extensions. Or a wig. I’m not sure which.

3) Ziro the Hutt in Star Wars: The Clone Wars

I’ve already caught a screening of this flick, and Jabba’s uncle, Ziro the Hutt, brings shame and embarassment upon the House of Hutt with his ham-handed, effeminate speaking voice.

He’s the Nathan Lane of animated giant space slugs. Take my word for it.

2) Wheelie in Transformers: The Movie

Ever wonder what it would sound like if you cut off a Transformer’s robo-balls and made him speak in rhymes?

Wonder no longer.

1) Jar Jar Binks in The Phantom Menace

Number one. Obviously. Comatose patients in a Siberian prison hospital saw this one coming.

HONORABLE MENTION: The Nazguls in Lord of the Rings

Yes, we get it. Raspy, ethereal whispering marks the voice of Evil. It’s also the sound of a feeble old man with emphysema and a cancer-hole in his throat. And who can’t beat up that guy?

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13 comments… add one
  • Nathan D August 8, 2008, 7:38 am

    One of the things that make the Neimoidians so annoying, aside from the stereotypes is the lip movement — we all should have just known at that point our childhood dreams were going to be severely dashed and walked out on the pre-trilogy before it even got going.

  • nickolai August 8, 2008, 9:00 am

    Amen on the Nazgul. I didn’t find them scary at all in the films, mainly due to their sexual-predator-like voices. And I remember being terrified reading about them in the books growing up.

  • Matt August 10, 2008, 6:20 pm

    Umm, hello?

    Chris Tucker – Ruby Rohd in The Fifth Element? How is that not way up on the list?

  • Great White Snark August 10, 2008, 6:31 pm

    Matt, excellent call. You win the prize of my appreciation.

    The bad news is that my appreciation is only worth $2.50. The good news is that those are Canadian dollars.

  • Paul August 11, 2008, 4:31 pm

    Holy crap, I forgot about that. I liked 5th Element until Chris Tucker showed up and ruined the entire rest of the film for me.

  • Matt August 11, 2008, 5:16 pm

    It was on its way to being a terrific movie. Mila Jovovich wrapped in a bandage, Bruce Willis as a cabbie with a military background, Gary Oldman as Zorg – with the coolest guns ever (they had ice cube makers), Tiny Lister as the freakin’ president… and then Chris Tucker. Ugh.

    “We’re sending someone in to negotiate.”

  • Great White Snark August 11, 2008, 5:18 pm

    I’m an unabashed fan of The Fifth Element, Chris-Tucker-sized warts, and all.

  • Bentoboxx August 11, 2008, 5:29 pm

    Agree on Ziro the Hutt. There is nothing evil or intimidating when a giant worm orders you killed in Truman Capote’s voice! Its laughable and sad! (Don’t bust on Jeff Garlin, though…I mean “Curb your enthusiasm”…he rocks!)

  • Matt August 11, 2008, 5:30 pm

    Don’t get me wrong, I am too. I just tend to speed speed past the Ruby scenes (or at least mute them!).

  • Laura E. August 13, 2008, 12:07 am

    SO glad you mentioned Christian Bale. His stupid “Now I’m being Batman” voice makes increased the suck factor of those movies at least 15%, which is a real shame.

  • doubledumbassonyou August 16, 2008, 8:37 pm

    Wheelie rules all.

  • PetraK. September 15, 2008, 6:52 pm

    I disagree with the Nazguls. Number one, LOTR is NOT a geek movie. Number 2, they were made to sound creepy in order to portray just how evil they are\were. Dumb article.

  • Kat October 26, 2008, 6:13 pm

    I know I am late but I just found the blog.

    LoTR is not a geek movie?

    Are you not a geek or something because uh… that comment is fail. I would put things here to justify except I do not have to.

    That’s like saying Iron Man is not a comicbook movie.

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