Five Pieces of Bad News Clark Will Get from the Future when the Legion of Super-Heroes Visits Smallville
By Great White Snark | September 5, 2008
The new producers of Smallville will clearly grasp at any fodder from the Superman mythology to fill the space left by recently-departed cast members. (No news yet on whether they’ll act on my five suggestions for handling the absence of Lex Luthor. But their obvious desperation can only work in my favor.)
The Legion of Super-Heroes is the DC Universe’s Justice League from the 31st century, featuring members like Lightning Lad, Cosmic Boy and Saturn Girl.
Because 1,000 years in the future, superheroes are named after competitive roller-skaters from the 1970s.
I have it on good authority (i.e., years of continuity developed in the Superman comic books) that the Legion will come bearing unfavorable news from the future for Clark.
~ 5) Good news, Clark. You finally hook up with Lois Lane. On the other hand, by then she’s already slept around with the rest of the Justice League.
Good luck with that exotic, sea-borne virus she picked up from Aquaman.
~ 4) You know that extra-special, double-mint close relationship you’ve got with Chloe? Yeah, you pretty much entirely forget all about that.
Turns out you’re not so good with the keeping in touch when you grow up. But I’m sure she’s totally cool with that. It’s not like she completely dotes on you or anything.
~ 3) Your buddy Jimmy? That annoying bow tie thing isn’t just part of a phase he’s going through. It’s not like he’s a typical college-aged kid, experimenting with different styles while he tries to “find” himself.
He’s basically found himself, and he’s found an over-eager dork in a bow tie who will one day become an over-eager dorky adult in a bow time.
On the other hand, it does get him laid at Young Republican meetings after Chloe finally dumps him.
~ 2) This is gonna be tough to hear, but… Lana hooks up with Pete.
Yeah. That’s gotta burn. But on the bright side, they do produce beautiful mixed-race babies.
~ 1) Lex Luthor will bring a lifetime of misery to you, your loved ones, and the planet as a whole.
And you could have just let him drive off that bridge in season one. You dumb, short-sighted bastard.