In no way do I condone the use of violence.
Unless the violence is (a) hilarious or (b) entertaining. So, basically, unless the violence happens on reality television.
How else are those skanks on Rock of Love going to keep themselves busy between hooking up and getting krunk, am I right?
5) Triumph the Insult Comic Dog vs. Ed the Sock
Canadian Stephen Kerzner has accused Late Night with Conan O’Brien‘s Triumph of ripping off his bitchy, gruff-spoken, cigar-chomping creation, Ed the Sock. Conan, in turn, claims that grumpy puppets have been a long-time comedy staple.
Can’t we all just agree that the Pets.com sock puppet is a douche and move on?
4) Roger Ebert vs. Lou Lumenick
Who knew a fight of nudging and swatting between a cripple and a pudgy film nerd could engender such excitement?
Oh, if only this sparked a trend of violence between pasty, double-chinned white dudes. I wonder who’d fight dirtier in Rush Limbaugh vs. Lou Perlman? (Hint: My money’s on the druggie.)
3) Uwe Boll vs. Michael Bay
Apparently you can’t teach a monkey to direct.
But you can teach him to self-promote by challenging actual, successful directors to boxing matches.
Good, monkey. Good.
2) Jon Stewart vs. Tucker Carlson
It isn’t often that geeks can laugh at the expense of a dork in a bow tie.
So… thanks, Jon Stewart.
1) Tom Cruise vs. South Park Creators
At Cruise’s prompting, Viacom pulled South Park‘s Scientology episode from syndication, so that it would never again be seen by non-Operating Thetan eyes.
Way to stir up some controversy, Tom, to promote South Park and encourage Google searches of “crazy Scientologists.”
Not so much a good plan if you didn’t want the world to know that you’re the star member of a paranoid, vindictive, and manipulative super-cult.
Enjoy this post? Subscribe to Great White Snark by – or by RSS.