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How Did Jonathan Kent Last as Long as He Did? – Smallville Comedy

Poor Jonathan Kent. Sure, Clark Kent’s dad’s maladies over the five seasons he spent on Smallville didn’t quite approach the variety, quantity, and potential lethality of the injuries suffered by Lex Luthor. But everyone knows that a diet high in moralistic platitudes is the third-biggest cause of heart disease after (1) smoking and (2) bodily possession by dead, megalomaniacal Kryptonians.

So it’s no big surprise that Jonathan’s heart finally gave out. Of course, all the violent head trauma couldn’t have helped, either.

SEASON 1

So Jonathan slips into a coma after a measly car crash, fall, bludgeoning with a fire extinguisher, and a poisoning? Yeah, we should have know that didn’t bode well for his longevity on the show.

SEASON 2

You know, Mr. Kent, after a season of getting punched out, caught in a cave-in, landed on by a trailer home that falls out of the sky, struck in face by metal rod, thrown into wall and then into car door by your super-powered son, tazered, and then crushed by a tractor… you’d think that you wouldn’t go trying your luck in that red truck of yours, again. Oy. That… is gonna leave a mark.

SEASON 3

After suffering his first heart attack, Jonathan decidedly ignores his doctor’s “plenty of bed rest” suggestion in lieu of a knock-down, drag-out, eye-gouging fight with Lionel Luthor. And some other stuff. Like getting strangled by a mystical Kryptonian lasso.

But, hey, at least he cut bacon out of his diet!

SEASON 4

I wonder if Mr. Kent was relieved when that super-dog bit him in the arm or when Lex Luthor shot him in the knee. You know, ’cause everyone else this season was just so insistent on bashing him in the head. That’s gotta get old pretty fast.

Of course, he probably forgot about his headache pretty quickly when that meteor fell out of the sky and crushed his house. While he was in it.

SEASON 5

As badly as Clark’s dad got beaten up during season five, it was probably dumb luck that his heart gave out before any number of his other major internal organs.

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1 comment… add one
  • nickolai October 6, 2008, 8:56 pm

    Poor bastard. As if having a son who is more super than you in every single way imaginable wasn’t enough.

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