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The Top Eight Awesome Things About Starship Troopers – One Man’s Misguided Perspective

Starship Troopers Ground Attack

Editor’s Note: I’ve made no secret of my disdain for Starship Troopers. It’s a disappointment wrapped in a bad joke garnished by gratuitous boob shots. (Not that I have anything against gratuitous breasts.)  That is to say, it’s not without entertainment value, but “good”… it is not.  In the spirit of fairness, I’ve agreed to let Paul of The Robot’s Pajamas espouse his completely-misguided views in favor of the so-called “awesomeness” of Starship Troopers.

Try not to judge him too harshly.  You can leave that to me.

Great White Snark and I share a like-minded opinion on most geek-related subjects, but our opinions cannot differ any more than they do on the subject of Starship Troopers. Starship Troopers is one of the greatest sci-fi action films of all time, yet it somehow it gets a bad rap. I’ve boiled down the reasons why it’s so awesome in this here handy list to try and resolve this injustice.

You might be wondering why this isn’t a top ten list. Well, I can’t think of two more reasons. That’s not to say the film isn’t awesome, it just is. I don’t care what you say, I’m plugging my ears and yelling, “La, la, la, la, la.”

8. Extreme-to-the-Max Sports

I hate sports, having spent my formative years under the oppressive rule of jocks. But if they somehow made up a sport where people would routinely do a 360 spin jump to score a touchdown, I’d be all over it. And if the thirty-year-old high schoolers in Starship Troopers can play extreme-to-the-max football at this level, just imagine how good the pros must be.

7. Denise Richards Before She Was Retarded

Denise Richards Head Shot

I used to have a huge crush on Denise Richards, and it seems like there were a lot of other guys who thought she was the cat’s pajamas as well. Then a funny thing happened: everyone realized she’s a complete moron in real life. Starship Troopers is a nostalgic trip back to that simpler time, a time when it was okay to think Denise Richards was hawt and people called root beer “sarsaparilla.”

6. It Earned Its ‘R’

There certainly aren’t enough R-rated movies that aren’t slasher flicks these days, and there truly aren’t enough hard-R-rated sci-fi films. Starship Troopers has all the violence you want and need in your life and then some, much like Starship Trooper‘s director Verhoeven’s other works of art Total Recall and Robocop. Oh no, I don’t call them films. I call them art.

5. Boobs

Dina Meyer topless in Starship Troopers

Sure, you can see boobs anywhere. I’ll even show you mine if you ask nicely. But what was great about seeing them in Starship Troopers is that they’re there so randomly. One minute there are alien guts and then the next there’s a group shower scene. This is exactly how my brain worked at the age of fourteen and I’m sad to admit it’s the way it works now.

Looking for a movie featuring Denise Richards’ actual naked boobs? Then check out the only film in which she goes topless (a lot): Wild Things.

Coincidentally, you can catch Dina Meyers’ boobs in a sexy bikini in Wild Things: Diamonds in the Rough. (She’s not topless in any movie except Starship Troopers.)

4. Giant Alien Bugs

I can’t think of any sci-fi film that isn’t at least a little bit cool when it’s got giant bugs in it. The very nature of giant insects makes any story, no matter what it is, at least a little cool in some way. Just think about it. Was Slumdog Millionaire really that good? Or was it the giant scorpion that attacked India what really made that film? Think about it.

3. Doogie Howser

Doogie Howser MD Head Shot

Before people realized Neil Patrick Harris is awesome sauce, he was in Starship Troopers being not Doogie Howser. It’s hard to remember now, but there was a time when people hadn’t yet realized that Neil Patrick Harris was not in fact a child doctor at some point in his life. Starship Troopers helped break the stereotype hanging around Harris’s neck like an anchor. Just think of what the movie could have done for Jaleel White!

2. It’s Not Like the Book

Who wants a sci-fi movie filled with “ideas” when they can have hyper-extreme football and lines like, “They sucked his brains out!” Yeah, you miss the big robot suits and any kind of real message, but you also don’t have an hour’s worth of debate over the merits of capital punishment. You gotta take the good with the bad, people!

1. Casper Van Dien’s Career

You can literally watch the hopes and dreams Casper Van Dien had of having a successful film career explode and die right in front of your eyes. It’s schadenfreude, delicious schadenfreude.

You can see more of Paul’s work at The Robot’s Pajamas.

And you can see a lot more of Denise Richards and her nude boobs in Wild Things. (You’re welcome!)

15 comments… add one
  • cshanyn April 10, 2009, 8:30 am

    That is one awesome list, although I have to disqualify #7 because Denise Richards has always been retarded.

    That aside however, I love this movie because it is so very, very bad. I think I’ll watch it tonight.

  • ahanovich April 10, 2009, 9:57 am

    I agree with this list… don’t forget Michael Ironside’s iconic character… if you had to make a Top One Not-So-Awesome Thing about Starship Troopers… it’d be:

    “Denise Richards didn’t show the goods”

    (thank heavens for Wild Things!)

  • J. Rico April 10, 2009, 11:21 am

    Quality list. Especially #1. Not sure I should admit this, but last year I saw Casper Van Dien at comic-con lite in San Francisco doing a “press conference” after they previewed Starship Troopers 3. Tough to truly convey his in person-toolish qualities but it was safe to say that it was disgustingly obvious that he knew the Starship Troopers gravy train was all he ever was going to have in life. He kept randomly yelling out lines from Starship Troopers 1 in hopes that the crowd would play along and they could share some special bond. Unfortunately (for Casper) awkward radio silence filled the air.

  • J. Rico April 10, 2009, 11:24 am

    Speaking of Verhoeven, what do you think he thinks of Aronofsky taking on Robocop?

  • Nathan D April 10, 2009, 1:57 pm

    GWS, this is sorely lacking your commentary on each point. Though, honestly, this list feels only a degree or two from the sarcastic list you would have created for why this movie is “good”.

  • Great White Snark April 10, 2009, 4:10 pm

    @ahanovich: That was definitely not-so-awesome. In fact, I had already listed that among my planned retorts to Paul’s arguments.

    @J. Rico: Well done. That painted quite the picture. He is a sad, sad little man. Wish I could have seen it.

    @Nathan: Don’t you worry. It’s coming. I can’t let foolish statements like “Starship Troopers is aweseome” go unpunished. I mean, unanswered.

  • XeQUae April 10, 2009, 7:34 pm

    Starship Troopers Rocks!! It has been too long since I’ve watched it.

  • Andrew April 11, 2009, 12:24 am

    Who could really forget the mind-numbing stupidity of a military where the commanding officer on the ground shoots one of his own men who is no more than ten feet away with a sniper rifle . . . instead of the giant alien bug that just carried the soldier off, and then demands that each of the soldiers do the same for him . . . but then later on saves Rico and lets Rico spend a month in a tube getting fixed up?

    It’s just a contradictory piece of crap.

  • Steve April 11, 2009, 7:38 am

    Yes! Starship Troopers=Awesomeness! Finally, some validation for my complete and utter enjoyment of the movie. And yes, I read the book before the movie. I don’t consider the movie an adaptation of the book. What I think really happened was that someone saw the book lying on a shelf and eyed the title ‘Starship Troopers’ with some awesome cover art of a giant bug attacking a Space Marine. This wonderful person then tore off said cover and ran to the first movie producer they could find. (Probably the room mate of a second cousin, twice removed) And that is what made this movie truly great.

  • nickolai April 13, 2009, 9:21 am

    Nice! It BAFFLES me that people dislike this movie. It’s got all the essentials of an awesome flick, as listed above. PLUS it’s got that skank Blanche from the Golden Girls and a psychic weasel.

    Seriously, what’s not to like?

  • steve April 14, 2009, 4:48 pm

    “It BAFFLES me that people dislike this movie” – as far as I can tell, people dislike it for being dumb-as-rocks hollywood action tripe propagandising the supposed glory of pretty but stupid and gullible infantry dying in stupid wars – apparently missing the fact it’s a marvellously cutting satire on dumb-as-rocks hollywood action tripe propagandising the supposed glory of pretty but stupid and gullible infantry dying in stupid wars.

  • Teenormous T-shirts April 15, 2009, 9:21 pm

    I have to agree – Starship Troopers = awesome. Love the movie and watch it every time it comes on cable tv.

  • Paul April 16, 2009, 7:41 am

    I’m really surprised at the amount of people that like the film!

  • Rhiannon April 17, 2009, 2:31 am

    sorry, GWS, I’m gonna have to agree with this entire list. I effin’ love this movie, in all of it’s horrimazing glory.

  • Nupraptor May 25, 2009, 1:19 am

    I don’t know why there is so much hate for this movie. I am the proud owner of all 3 of the starship trooper movies. I fine each to be a good film. Its a funny movie which I can get wrapped up in and then a second later laugh at then another second later think “oh wow nice tits!” It isn’t a life changing movie, however in todays times of constant despressing watered down think too much flicks…I find this movie to be an enlightening ray of joy in my life…oh yeah and seeing things shot to bits blown up and seeing hot boobs is always a plus! remember kids DO YOUR PART JOIN THE FEDERATION TODAY!

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