Editor’s Note: I’ve made no secret of my disdain for Starship Troopers. It’s a disappointment wrapped in a bad joke garnished by gratuitous boob shots. (Not that I have anything against gratuitous breasts.) That is to say, it’s not without entertainment value, but “good”… it is not. In the spirit of fairness, I’ve agreed to let Paul of The Robot’s Pajamas espouse his completely-misguided views in favor of the so-called “awesomeness” of Starship Troopers.
Try not to judge him too harshly. You can leave that to me.
Great White Snark and I share a like-minded opinion on most geek-related subjects, but our opinions cannot differ any more than they do on the subject of Starship Troopers. Starship Troopers is one of the greatest sci-fi action films of all time, yet it somehow it gets a bad rap. I’ve boiled down the reasons why it’s so awesome in this here handy list to try and resolve this injustice.
You might be wondering why this isn’t a top ten list. Well, I can’t think of two more reasons. That’s not to say the film isn’t awesome, it just is. I don’t care what you say, I’m plugging my ears and yelling, “La, la, la, la, la.”
8. Extreme-to-the-Max Sports
I hate sports, having spent my formative years under the oppressive rule of jocks. But if they somehow made up a sport where people would routinely do a 360 spin jump to score a touchdown, I’d be all over it. And if the thirty-year-old high schoolers in Starship Troopers can play extreme-to-the-max football at this level, just imagine how good the pros must be.
7. Denise Richards Before She Was Retarded
I used to have a huge crush on Denise Richards, and it seems like there were a lot of other guys who thought she was the cat’s pajamas as well. Then a funny thing happened: everyone realized she’s a complete moron in real life. Starship Troopers is a nostalgic trip back to that simpler time, a time when it was okay to think Denise Richards was hawt and people called root beer “sarsaparilla.”
6. It Earned Its ‘R’
There certainly aren’t enough R-rated movies that aren’t slasher flicks these days, and there truly aren’t enough hard-R-rated sci-fi films. Starship Troopers has all the violence you want and need in your life and then some, much like Starship Trooper‘s director Verhoeven’s other works of art Total Recall and Robocop. Oh no, I don’t call them films. I call them art.
Sure, you can see boobs anywhere. I’ll even show you mine if you ask nicely. But what was great about seeing them in Starship Troopers is that they’re there so randomly. One minute there are alien guts and then the next there’s a group shower scene. This is exactly how my brain worked at the age of fourteen and I’m sad to admit it’s the way it works now.
Looking for a movie featuring Denise Richards’ actual naked boobs? Then check out the only film in which she goes topless (a lot): Wild Things.
Coincidentally, you can catch Dina Meyers’ boobs in a sexy bikini in Wild Things: Diamonds in the Rough. (She’s not topless in any movie except Starship Troopers.)
4. Giant Alien Bugs
I can’t think of any sci-fi film that isn’t at least a little bit cool when it’s got giant bugs in it. The very nature of giant insects makes any story, no matter what it is, at least a little cool in some way. Just think about it. Was Slumdog Millionaire really that good? Or was it the giant scorpion that attacked India what really made that film? Think about it.
3. Doogie Howser
Before people realized Neil Patrick Harris is awesome sauce, he was in Starship Troopers being not Doogie Howser. It’s hard to remember now, but there was a time when people hadn’t yet realized that Neil Patrick Harris was not in fact a child doctor at some point in his life. Starship Troopers helped break the stereotype hanging around Harris’s neck like an anchor. Just think of what the movie could have done for Jaleel White!
2. It’s Not Like the Book
Who wants a sci-fi movie filled with “ideas” when they can have hyper-extreme football and lines like, “They sucked his brains out!” Yeah, you miss the big robot suits and any kind of real message, but you also don’t have an hour’s worth of debate over the merits of capital punishment. You gotta take the good with the bad, people!
1. Casper Van Dien’s Career
You can literally watch the hopes and dreams Casper Van Dien had of having a successful film career explode and die right in front of your eyes. It’s schadenfreude, delicious schadenfreude.
You can see more of Paul’s work at The Robot’s Pajamas.
And you can see a lot more of Denise Richards and her nude boobs in Wild Things. (You’re welcome!)