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The Top Five Awful Star Trek Tattoos

Yes, fine, the new Star Trek movie is great. I saw it, I liked it, I periodically made gleeful sounds. Let’s not make a big thing of it.

In fact, let’s not too quickly forget that not so long ago, the Star Trek franchise had worked harder to earn scorn and derision than any “celebrity” with a reality show on VH1. (Star Trek: Nemesis, anyone?)

So, before the world enters a brave, new era of not thinking Star Trek is the lamest thing since dressing as a Dungeon Master to your high school prom, I’d like to honor the formerly-flagging franchise with these awful, awful Star Trek tattoos.


Enterprise Crew Tattoo

Sure, it might be cheaper than using a real tattoo needle, but pressing really hard with a sharpened ball point pen doesn’t quite have the same lasting effect, now does it?

Poor George Takei doesn’t even know he’s pointing to Chekov.


Star Trek Tribute Tattoo

Very pretty.

I don’t get it.


Star Trek Data Tattoo

Oh, man… now I, too, want the soulless eyes and serial-killer smile of a pasty-faced android adorning one of my appendages!

Unfortunately, most of the real estate of my epidermis has been reserved for a sweeping, tattooed panorama of the characters of Twilight picnicking with the kids from Sweet Valley High next to a meadow of grazing My Little Ponies.  As a Hello Kitty looks on, peeking from behind a fluffy cloud in the sky.

Tough call.  Tough call.


Star Trek Symbol Tattoo

“There’s a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. T’would be a pity to damage yours.” – Westley, The Princess Bride

But when you’ve got some big, pendulous mammaries… feel free to inflict some permanent scarring using an electric needle filled with ink, apparently.

Looks to me like an invitation for some sweaty dude at a Trek convention to poke her in the boob and say, “Beam me up, Scotty.”  I bet she wasn’t thinking about that when she decided to permanently nerdify her cleavage.


Star Trek Enterprise Crew Tattoo

I call bullshit. Jabba the Hutt would never tattoo the first crew of the Enterprise on his back.

Find custom Star Trek figures on Ebay

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14 comments… add one
  • Movie Meg May 8, 2009, 9:04 am

    I call bullshit on No. 1 too: no one liked Enterprise enough to get a tattoo of it.

    One of Data’s pupils is considerably smaller than the other. This disturbs me.

  • cshanyn May 8, 2009, 10:30 am

    Oh GWS, you’ve outdone yourself with this post. I was laughing and snorting the entire time I was reading…well done, well done…

    Now please go find 5 more and do it all again.

  • Laura E. May 8, 2009, 11:06 am

    Thanks to learning roman numerals in the 3rd grade and learning Google during my X-Files obsession, I have determined that #4 must be a reference to one “Jadzia Dax”, a Star Fleet officer from Deep Space 9. The numerals appear to be her birth and death dates.

    I don’t feel proud of myself for discovering this. I just knew it’d bug me, not knowing what it was about, like when they put up a Postsecret in a foreign language.

  • Kat May 8, 2009, 1:02 pm

    I actually shrieked over the Data face.

  • Alex May 9, 2009, 7:00 am

    Oh. That’s bad. (Trying not to throw up.)
    When you go for the worst, you don’t mess around!

    Hey, thanks for the posts lately! Cracking me up. Twitter is not on my to do list.


  • Wenna May 11, 2009, 2:21 am

    If you think of the Data one as actually Lore from Datalore it looks less wholeheartedly misguided.

  • Kate June 16, 2009, 10:20 pm


    Laura (#3) appears to be right – I figured out what the years were and that left me trying to figure out what the significance of 2341 and 2374 were – I knew 2374 occurred during “Deep Space Nine” and “Voyager” but a bit of research confirmed it – the dates of Jadzia Dax’s birth and death. Can we say, freaky?! Terry Farrell should probably be careful of this dude.

    For that matter, Brent Spiner should watch out too. Who really wants to go around with “concussion-suffering Data” on their arm?! These are the people giving geeks a bad name…

  • Dindiqotu June 28, 2009, 6:09 pm

    I actually saw #5 in person on the weekend at a comic/scifi con. IT IS REAL, TRUST ME.
    Didn’t get a picture because I was too afraid she’d be offended… but in hindsight, it’s probably exactly what she wants! She’s added a face each to her arm, too. Feel sorry for Karl Urban who we were lining up to get a hug from!

  • Dindiqotu June 28, 2009, 6:10 pm

    I MEAN # 1 sorry! The woman in black with the enterprise. Confused myself.

  • Master Shake July 2, 2009, 2:35 am

    The best Star Trek tattoo I ever saw was one of Kirk giving it to Picard doggy-style. I tried to get Shatner to go have a look at this guy, but he declined after hearing the description of what he was going to see. LOL

  • Me. July 31, 2009, 9:46 pm

    …#1 that’s a woman??? I’m scared. Though she does have a lot of canvas to add to!

    I think the Data/Lore tattoo is very well executed. Wouldn’t want it myself but to each their own.

  • Me September 9, 2009, 4:51 pm

    Only because I’m a super dork, and the tattoo happens to grace my own skin… The Data tattoo IS of Data. From Encounter at Farpoint to be exact.
    And I thank the #1 commenter – I never, ever noticed his pupils being out of whack. Thank you. I will get that fixed.

  • me February 21, 2010, 9:13 pm

    Yep, #1 is a woman, a scary, obnoxious woman from Australia…. Also on one of her forearms she has tattooed a giant freaking stargate, complete with puddle, and the earth symbol floating in the middle.

    I think what horrifies me most about her stuff is just how BAD quality the tattoos are… I mean have they not heard of shading? maybe they just couldn’t bear to touch her any more… *end evilness*

  • David Ewing October 27, 2010, 7:53 am

    The 1st woman is SCARY!! is it just me or is #2 woman kinda sexy?!?

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