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The Top Five Awful Harry Potter Tattoos

After a temporary ebb, Harry Potter enthusiasm has flowed once again thanks to the release of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince in theaters this week.

But some fans drinketh of the cup of fandom a little too deeply.

5) Voldemort Tattoo – The Un-sexy-fier


The last thing I want to see on a woman’s naked leg (where this particular ink can be found) is a portrait of an angry bald dude with a gaping nasal cavity and bad teeth.

On the list of things that put me in the mood, that’s right up there with being stripped, covered with catnip, and thrown in a barrel of angry strays.

On a Somali pirate ship being piloted too close to a rocky shore by a sloppy-drunk David Hasselhoff.

Not sexy.

4) A Too-Pretty Harry Potter Portrait Tattoo


Sorry, scratch that last thought. The last thing you want tattooed on one of your limbs is a portrait of an underage boy portrayed to look a lot like a pretty, underage girl.

Except maybe in Thailand. I hear it’s a bit easier to get away with that kind of nonsense over there.

3) The “I like Dumbledore, just not in that way” Tattoo

Oh, man. Homophobia’s a bitch when you unwittingly plaster the face of an old, gay dude across your back. From The Sun:

Proud Paul, 36, spent a YEAR having the Hogwarts headmaster etched into his skin as a surprise for his five kids.

But the factory worker has been the butt of jokes ever since Harry Potter author JK Rowling revealed last week that Dumbledore was in love with a fellow male sorcerer.

Paul, of Nottingham, moaned yesterday: “It’s been terrible. I’ve always liked Dumbledore – just not in that way.”


2) Harry Potter Quote as a Dirty Euphemism Tattoo

I Open at the Close Tattoo

Yes, I understand that this quote represents an important plot turn in the final book of the Harry Potter series.  And I’m sure the bearer of this ink had innocent intentions.

But if a lower-back tattoo that says, “I open at the close,” isn’t an invitation for having intercourse in the netherest of regions… then I don’t know what is.

1) Harry Potter Neck Tattoo


And she lived happily ever after, secure in the knowledge that no one would take her seriously, ever, ever again. Ever.

Find Harry Potter temporary tattoos on Ebay

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21 comments… add one

  • grumpyhawk July 17, 2009, 7:23 am

    #3 should be more embarrassed by the absolutely horrible tribal tattoos on his shoulder. at least the dumbledore looks like decent work.

  • Alexandra July 17, 2009, 7:30 am

    Wow! Posts 3 days in a row. :) have you come back from the twit-side?

    Ok, those are some bad tattoos. Faces never a good idea. Just asking for regret a few years down the road.
    The “I open at the close” would be fine as an armband or anklet.
    Placement people! Three most important things in tattoo real estate: Location, location, location.

  • Movie Meg July 17, 2009, 8:15 am

    #4 is Amy Poehler as Harry Potter. Gotta be.

  • Shanyn July 17, 2009, 8:56 am

    What’s up with Voldemort being blue?!?

  • Great White Snark July 17, 2009, 4:37 pm

    @Alexandra: I promise more posts (now that I’ve emerged from a product launch at the Job of Realness) if you promise to keep the delightful comments coming.

    @Movie Meg: I’m seeing Rachel Weisz.

  • pegolas July 19, 2009, 1:37 pm

    Every time I think, “Gee I reaaaaaally need to get myself that Serenity tattoo”, I see a post like this; and am once again left to ponder the sanity of it.

  • Ronnie July 19, 2009, 8:47 pm

    tattoo is so cool

    #4 is Amy Poehler as Harry Potter. Gotta be.

  • Waffle July 19, 2009, 8:52 pm

    I know where a “Mischief Managed” tattoo would fit perfectly…

  • Sid July 20, 2009, 2:49 am

    why is your page so mean….maybe people like the tattoos they have and more people than you like them as well….I think you need anger management or you need a girlfriend that YOU won’t piss off~ just saying

  • themehmeh July 20, 2009, 10:59 am

    first off the catnip would prolly make them happy cuddly strays. possibly even adorable ones.

    second no matter where you say “i open at the close” if it’s on your body it’s going to be inappropriate.

  • savethebestforlast July 23, 2009, 9:16 am

    i just don’t get being so into a fictional character that you would get a tattoo of them. dumbledore? voldemort? are you gonna get a job with a huge color tattoo of someone that everyone else realizes DOESN’T exist?

  • riotgear July 27, 2009, 7:36 pm

    Am I the only one that thinks that Harry looks more like Hillary Clinton in tat #4?

  • ithappens September 1, 2009, 9:26 am

    the last one looks like a friend drew with gel pens pens etc on her neck. i have to conclude that it is not a tattoo.

  • Shea December 7, 2009, 1:56 am

    I’m a tattoo artist, and let me tell you.. people get WAY more idioctic things tattooed on them.

    I’d rather see Voldemort’s portrait on someone’s leg, than their Ex’s.

    Also, I’m getting a Harry Potter sleeve from my knee to my ankle/foot and i can think of a LOT of guys, Harry Potter fans or not, that’ll still want to bone me…

  • shay January 16, 2010, 3:13 am

    SO i suppose that a meaningless butterfly tattoo is better than something that actually has some form of meaning to some people. Only morons with dirty perverted minds would think I open at the close is something sexual. Yes she could of put it in a better place but only hp fans know the true meaning of it and that is something others wont understand. I think these tattoos are great and these fans are devoted to hp. At least they are passionate about something unlike some other people.

  • Airaloske March 21, 2010, 9:31 pm

    #1 (the neck tat) would look better somewhere other than the neck. somewhere concealable so that one could still be gainfully employed.

    I’ve been considering an HP tat for awhile, but it’ll definitely be somewhere inconspicuous.

  • Airaloske March 21, 2010, 9:32 pm

    and the Voldy tat is really well-done, just kinda AAAAHIMGONNAEATCHA!

  • shona November 8, 2010, 12:29 am

    How cringingly awful and embarrasing, I feel sorry for anyone who even considers getting a HP tattoo, or any film tattoo for that matter. Good luck with the removal in the future for those who have one already haha.

  • Emma November 8, 2010, 3:06 pm

    The Voldemort one is actually kinda scary. ;s

    But I think the ‘I open at the close’ would be good if in a..more decent place and possibly a ‘-H.P’ afterwards.

    Ah well, what people do to themselves..

  • C November 14, 2010, 1:23 am

    The Voldermort tattoo actually wouldn’t be too bad if it wasn’t such a bright shade of blue. If I were going to get a tattoo like this I would have it a bit smaller and in a place where it can easily be covered. Similarly the last one would be slightly better if it were in a covered place.

    Each to their own, I guess…

  • Lin March 26, 2011, 1:53 am

    I don’t really believe that getting yourself a tattoo makes you a devoted fan. So if I go and snatch myself a tattoo of anything I’m instantly a devoted fan? No it makes me someone who doesn’t know how to make wise choices. I think that these tattoos could have been made with a little more taste/creativity/better. There was a person who got the deathly hallows symbols in an okay place. They were also well done.

    This is coming from someone who has never wanted to permanently imprint their skin. To mention it, a tacky ugly tattoo won’t become less ugly or tacky even if it’s of something amazing. Your going to have a fucked up body for the rest of your life. This is essentially a colorful scar.

    Was there ever something wrong with just dressing up? So if one day you liked it but a little less into it than you used to be you could just ‘ shed your skin’? Number one looks as if it was done with a black artists pen and marker haha.

    Number two? Notorious tramp stamp area with just as bad quotation? I’m not saying she isn’t deriving the meaning from Harry Potter just as well. But I’m not naive enough to think it’s not there for another reason IMHO.

    I’m not a prude I have just always happened to find skin in its natural glory the most beautiful thing of all.

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