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The Top Five Awful Monkey Island Tattoos

As I collected material for this post, it came dangerously close to becoming a “Top Five Awesome Monkey Island Tattoos” piece. Because, as many people do, I fondly recall the clunky PC-based games of the 1990s through the Rose-Colored Glasses of Blurry Hindsight. To me, an 8-bit Pirate LeChuck tattoo screams “originality and panache.”

But then I asked myself: has anyone ever gotten laid thanks to a Monkey Island tattoo? Not unless “Guybrush Threepwood” means “I have lots of money and stamina, and I want to spend them both extravagantly on you” in French or something.

In honor of the this summer’s release of the special edition of The Secret of Monkey Island and the new Tales of Monkey Island, I present…

5) Guybrush Threepwood Tattoo = Better than an Estrogen Patch

Guybrush Threepwood Tattoo
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Well, what a well-executed tattoo in a perfectly good likeness of Guybrush Threepwood… a cartoon man who looks a lot like a  lady.

Subtract ten masculinity points, do not pass “Go.”

4) Murray the Evil Talking Skull Tattoo Looking a Bit Peaked

Murray Evil Talking Skull Tattoo
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This Murray the Evil Talking Skull tattoo violates some pretty basic rules of tattooing. For example, every skull tattoo requires a backdrop of either flames or crossbones.

Oh, and also? Don’t give your skull tattoo gangrene.

3) Ghost Pirate LeChuck Tattoo Needs a Special Home

Ghost LeChuck Tattoo
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Excellent tattoo, but the dude attached to this appendage is going to need a placement agency to find him a gang that favors murderous video game ghost pirates. Not sure what else you can do with ink like this.

You know… aside from being the toughest-looking nerd at a get-together of really-not-tough-looking nerdy-types with a horrible sense of social mores.

2) Navigator Head Not Looking Any Healthier as a Tattoo


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Sally can’t wait to tell her Mom all about her new beau and his tattoo of a roughly-decapitated, shriveled head with an eyeball necklace. Even more so? She can’t wait to see that tattoo whenever she and her fella are trying to get in the mood. Aces!

1) In Spite of the Slogan, this Guy Doesn’t Look Like a Somalian

Pirates Life for Me Tattoo
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Oh, really? Pretty committed to the pirate’s life, are you?

Peg leg? Parrot? Scurvy? I assume you’ll be sticking with “unkempt hair, poor judgment, and reeking of grog” for now.

Find classic Monkey Island games on Ebay

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6 comments… add one
  • Alexandra August 21, 2009, 9:59 am

    As always, yor commentary makes tattoos with somewhat questionable concept hilariously funny!

    I am somewhat embarrassed that I did actually play this game. Huh.

    And that committed pirate appears to have been avoiding the sun for quite a while somehow.

  • nickolai August 21, 2009, 11:22 am

    Maybe it’s because I never played the game, but what an obscure title to permanently ink yourself for! Think how often you’d have to explain just what the hell your tattoo represents.

  • Pegleg Jonny August 27, 2009, 9:41 am

    Yaaarrrr, too late for my entry but I thought I’d throw it into the ring anywho:

    http://www.jonathanhansen.homestead.com/fullsleeve.html

    Look behind you, a three-headed monkey!

  • Tattoo Ideas designs September 26, 2009, 6:51 pm

    i love the ghost pirate tattoo. its really unique.

  • Sammy September 26, 2009, 9:35 pm

    “Obscure”? Seriously? Only the Guitar Hero/Halo kiddies of the today don’t know what Monkey Island is.

  • Maria May 19, 2010, 1:27 pm

    Personally (and as a woman who happens to love Monkey Island!) I find these a lot more attractive than the usual boring tattoos men would get to seem cool or tough.

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