By Great White Snark | March 13, 2011
Let’s face it: even a “good” Cthulhu cake can be bad. When your subject is the dreaded, hideous, and many-tentacled high priest to the Great Old Ones, it’s no coincidence that a confectionery representation would be reminiscent of a steaming pile of angry fecal matter.
A picture says a thousand words. In this case, most of those words are “retch” and “vomit”.
5) The “Angry Tentacles” Cthulhu Cake
Check out those tentacles, with their boiling pustules of Elder God rage.
…or they’re Rick Krispie treats. But I’m pretty sure it’s the former.
4) The Fecal Tentacles Cthulhu Cake
Just because a cake was skillfully and artfully executed by a master cake artisan doesn’t mean I have any interest in eating dark, sludge-like tentacles.
Plus, I’m not 100% sure that this cake isn’t just excrementing* all over itself.
* Not a word, you say? Guess what. Now it is.
3) The Angry Octopus Cthulhu Cake
I can’t tell where its gaping mouth ends and its navel begins. And I just can’t trust a cake like that.
2) The Mini-Cthulhu Cake
You see what I’m seeing, right?
Ok. It’s sculpted poo. Just so there’s no confusion.
1) The Intestinal Cthulhu Cake
This Cthulhu cake kind of reminds me of a surrealist painting by someone like Salvador Dali. Two people can interpret the same work very differently.
For example, I see fresh, swirling intestines, and you very well might see a profoundly unhealthy bowel movement.
Who’s to say?
BONUS PALATE CLEANSER: The Gummi Cthulhu Cake
I was going to give you this adorable Cthulhu cake as a reward for being so brave through the previous five atrocities. But at this point, you probably can’t help yourself from thinking about unhappy bodily secretions when you look at those gummi tentacles, eh?
Yeah, sorry about that. I meant well, at least.