Or maybe you wouldn’t be surprised. I hear cynicism is contagious, and I’ve been drinking out of your mug when you weren’t looking.

8) The These-Are-Definitely-Not-Batman’s-Pecs Batman Symbol Chest Tattoo

Source

“Bird-chested” and “Batman” aren’t typically two things that go together.

7) The “I Am Batman” Hand Tattoo

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I am… losing any chance of respect from future employers, in-laws, and grandchildren.

…going to regret this.

…not at all Batman.

6) The Batpug Tattoo

Source: UgliestTattoos.com

Nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana BATPUUUUUUG!

…is sad that you treat your back like a laboratory of permanent ink.

5) The Hairy, Dripping Batman Symbol Tattoo

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Well, there’s good news:

Thanks to poor placement (i.e., anywhere on the body of a Sasquatch), this Batman symbol tattoo will soon be so-overgrown with distractingly-thick-and-curly hair that it won’t occur to anyone to think that the “dripping” effect was a terrible, terrible idea.

4) The Sad Little Asymmetrical Batman Symbol Back Tattoo

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“I couldn’t decide between making my Batman tattoo too small, too lopsided, or too boring, so I went with all three. And then put it in a really conspicuous place in the middle of my back. … Now where’s that trophy for winning at life that you promised me?”

3) The Tribal Batman Symbol Tramp Stamp

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Hey, maybe you can make your Batman symbol tramp stamp even more tribal next time… because this time, you stopped just short of a white-trash explosion, and that’s something we all need to see. For science!

(Sorry, I realize “tramp stamp” is kind of offensive. What I meant was, “mark of the ho.”)

2) The S&M Batman Symbol Chest Tattoo

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One of the best-executed Batman symbol tattoos on the list is also one of the most difficult to behold.

Unless you’re into this kind of thing. In which case, I don’t judge… but mostly because I don’t want you to whip me with your leather switch.

1) The Gotham City Bats Tattoo

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So lifelike and horrifying that I think I just caught rabies from looking at it.

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And here’s a link to Wikipedia, where I want you to go and find out why I’ve had to wait this long for a Harley Quinn bikini to come across my computer screen. Hurry along, now.

Via My Disguises, who searches for “bikinis” on the internets for “research purposes” all the time.

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Because there is no limit to the amount of tantalizing costumed cleavage that I’ll post to win your affection. After all, cheap and pandering is our common language. And, also? English.

• This is what it looks like when my mind is sort of, kind of changed. http://j.mp/fmH924
• Yeah, Wolfram Alpha is pretty smart. http://j.mp/g5u2RR
• I don’t get tired of this. Posh Spice totally looks like Falcor.http://j.mp/aofxcL
• The worst part of Episode III? http://j.mp/eSx6GC
• The Japanese start their kids on a road to batshit insanity at a young age. http://youtu.be/ytHUb9U6i7I

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And then get kicked at the end by some random lady.

It’s like that Ashton Kutcher prank show, but without all the annoying celebrities or high production values.

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And then you can be the talk of all your geeky friends, who will marvel at your fearless fashion and newfound habit of leaving rips, tears, and holes in everything around you. Congratulations, in advance.

If expensive, gaudy DC-Comics-related jewelry is your thing– but maybe not so much with the accidental eye-gouging–Noir Jewelry has plenty of other options to appeal to your highly-questionable tastes.

Via Topless Robot, who really gets into expensive, gaudy eye-gouging.

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She had me at really big gun. (Although I don’t know who she’s kidding, using smoke and blinking lights as ammunition. If he’s old enough to buckle a seat belt, he’s old enough for live rounds, I say.)

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Looking at this photo, I can infer two things about the Japanese gentleman who built the Batvan:

1. He has no respect for Batman.
2. He has a very, very small penis.*

Via Jalopnik, who has a very, very small Batman.

* Lazy obnoxious-car-covering-up-for-inadequacies joke, or lazy racial stereotypes joke? You decide!

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Those are little girls. Surprise!

All day people were like “your makeup looks great, buddy!” and “aw look at that tiny Batman, he’s so cute!”

By the end of the night, both of them were sighing “WE’RE GIRLS!” every time someone made the mistake

Via Yes, Blissed, by way of DCU, who’s thinking of starting a new blog called “Fun with Gender Stereotyping.”

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Via Reddit by way of Gizmodo, who’s pretty sure that “Batman” is the Japanese word for “Suck it, North Korea, we haz teh bombers.”

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But let’s take time to focus on what’s important:

We don’t know what flavor the cake is.

UPDATE: I finally tracked down the baker (its-a-piece-of-cake on Flickr), but the cake’s flavor remains a mystery. (And I hate mysteries. They taste like coconut cake.)

Via People Change Feelings Fade, who likes cake, and likes pictures of cake, but not mentioning where she found pictures of cake.

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