Danny’s most recent request was to bake some doodleberry pie. Obviously, we didn’t have any doodleberries handy. We went to Costco and bought blueberries instead.

Doodleberry?

Um, first on the docket for Danny’s cooking lessons: the merits of not cooking with poop.

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Oh, and by the by, she accomplished this on her first attempt at making a sculpted cake.

Which totally reminds me of the time I created cold fusion on my first try, using nothing but half-empty aerosol cans of whipped cream and a magnifying glass.

Yeah. I know my humble feat of scientific marvel completely diminishes tchitwood’s efforts and everything, but please… see if you pull yourself from your completely-merited awe of me for just long enough to appreciate her work.

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In case you can’t tell what’s happening amongst this seemingly-random smattering of bloodied fondant figures: a sword-wielding Alice is smiting the zombie-fied inhabitants of Wonderland.

Which I give an “A+” for concept, and a “B-” for execution. I would have given it a “C+”, but the shocked, disembodied White Rabbit head pulls the whole thing together.

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Nothing beats a ninja, but it sure is fun to watch somebody try.

Oh, and P.S.: humiliating defeat tastes like chocolate with vanilla buttercream frosting and fondant.

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Et voila! Poop!

Photo Credit: Aurora Cakes on Flickr

Weathered internets traveler that I am, I know that many of you* out there share the tastes of six-year-olds.  So… you’re welcome. Here’s a funny-ha-ha poop joke cake.

Via Craziest Gadgets, who wants to know what it means if he doesn’t get it. “Poop, you say?”

* Not me, though. I’m sophisticated and shit.

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Which doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a fine cake in the likeness of a murderous mutant robot.

This one can even turn its head. Which is, like, the step right before mutant robot cake self-awareness or something.

Here we see cake artisan Tenele from Australia’s Stacked Cakes, forced into a subservient position by her 2-foot-tall creation, a carved cherry ripe mud cake covered with chocolate ganache and fondant.

Just run behind a closed door, Tenele! It doesn’t have opposable thumbs!

* Made it through.

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If I understand the translation of Mila’s description from not-English correctly, she used a “template” molded to look like the Queen’s face to shape the top of the cake. As in, she went to the store and bought a mold that could shape any pliable substance into the likeness of the Queen, should the need arise. Which it did.

Which I find even more nutty than the idea of The Joker as the Queen.

I will give so many finger-gun-salutes to anyone in the comments who can link to a mold of the Queen’s face.

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So, I certainly appreciate the effort and the artistry, but the Sarlacc ended up looking like a really uncomfortable medical affliction.

Click the image to zoom!

Also, only Rice Krispie treats in the Boba Fett helmet? C’MON.*

* Sincerely Yours, A Professional Malcontent

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Check out the video below for a slideshow of the cake “making of” process, plus bonus footage of the bastards who sliced up and ate the thing. Feel free to glower and hiss at them.

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Here’s how I think that went down:

Director Zack Snyder: “Here’s your cake, sweetheart!”

Director Zack Snyder’s Daughter: “But, Daddy! I just wanted a pretty unicorn cake! Why is Yoda on there??”

Director Zack Snyder: “Did you pay for this cake, or did Daddy?”

Via the Star Wars Blog, who just wanted a pretty Yoda cake, and somebody stuck a stupid unicorn on there.

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