A picture says a thousand words. In this case, most of those words are “retch” and “vomit”.

5) The “Angry Tentacles” Cthulhu Cake

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Check out those tentacles, with their boiling pustules of Elder God rage.

…or they’re Rick Krispie treats. But I’m pretty sure it’s the former.

4) The Fecal Tentacles Cthulhu Cake

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Just because a cake was skillfully and artfully executed by a master cake artisan doesn’t mean I have any interest in eating dark, sludge-like tentacles.

Plus, I’m not 100% sure that this cake isn’t just excrementing* all over itself.

* Not a word, you say? Guess what. Now it is.

3) The Angry Octopus Cthulhu Cake

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I can’t tell where its gaping mouth ends and its navel begins. And I just can’t trust a cake like that.

2) The Mini-Cthulhu Cake

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You see what I’m seeing, right?

Ok. It’s sculpted poo. Just so there’s no confusion.

1) The Intestinal Cthulhu Cake

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This Cthulhu cake kind of reminds me of a surrealist painting by someone like Salvador Dali. Two people can interpret the same work very differently.

For example, I see fresh, swirling intestines, and you very well might see a profoundly unhealthy bowel movement.

Who’s to say?

BONUS PALATE CLEANSER: The Gummi Cthulhu Cake

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I was going to give you this adorable Cthulhu cake as a reward for being so brave through the previous five atrocities. But at this point, you probably can’t help yourself from thinking about unhappy bodily secretions when you look at those gummi tentacles, eh?

Yeah, sorry about that. I meant well, at least.

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Because “awesome” is apparently what you find at the intersection of zombies, unicorns, robots, rainbows, and piranha plants from Super Mario Bros.

Via Super Punch, who knows that “bawl-some” is what you find at the intersection of rainbows and dead unicorns.

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I’m pretty sure the part where Iron Man looks like a melodramatic douche for victoriously busting through some bread pudding was completely unintentional.

Via Between the Pages,who doesn’t know any other way to bust through bread pudding, other than victoriously. Or maybe obnoxiously. Sometimes sloppily. But mostly, victoriously.

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Andy works for LG. Kaylee works for T-Mobile. They both love Android, and they weren’t afraid to use their wedding cake [by  Michelle Evans at Shelly's Cakes] to show it.

You know how you’d be sad for someone if they got an iPhone cake for their wedding? Well, take that sadness and multiply by one-and-a-half.*

Via Gizmodo, who doesn’t think that anyone should celebrate their love in the name of soulless, corporate giants. Unless you’re celebrating a love of capitalism. In which case… cheers!

* Because Android phones are inherently 50% less cool than iPhones. TRUE FACT. And if you find yourself trying to dispute that fact, it’s because your bitter, jealous anger doesn’t know how else to express itself. Because it is foolish. Like your taste in phones.

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I mean, sure… great attention to detail. But really it was the pretty, pretty lights that sold me. (See pic, below.)

Via Proton Charging, who heard that this cake would have happened sooner, but Bill Murray was holding out for more money.

* Which is like, 87, in internet years.

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The the first book alone took over five hours to create. In those and the ensuing hours, Soledad polished off quite an impressive homemade cake, and forever-cemented her son’s unreasonable expectations for what to expect from life.

Enjoy those three minutes of surprise and delight, kid. It’s all way downhill from here.

Via Between the Pages, who doesn’t think you’re doing overindulgence right if someone doesn’t get a little bit ill.

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And I’m posting them here, fully-cognizant of your definite appreciation for all things geeky-cake, your likely enthusiasm for all birds that are angry, and your dubious ability to detect overt pandering.

Seriously, though, who’da thunk two years ago that characters from a cell phone video game would work their way into the merchandising zeitgeist as quickly as these damn birds did?

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OMG THE BLOOD IS EVERYWHERE UNICORN WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIIIIIIIEEEEEE

Via That’s Nerdalicious, who thinks that unicorn looks just as surprised as we were.

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And before you answer: that was an entirely-rhetorical question. Your opinion is an item of quaintness, not import.

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Now excuse me while I enjoy my slice of Facebook Mobile.

Photo Credit: fonatic71 on Flickr

Via Nerd Approved, who thinks you can’t beat the taste of Maps.

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