One of the things I don’t like about the current design is that new visitors arriving on the blog look at the header and probably have no idea what the hell is going on around here. At the very least, they certainly won’t know the subject matter of the blog by looking at the blog title. (“Great White Snark? Is this one of them smart-ass political commentary blogs written by a white supremacist?”)

In the new design, I’d like to give more prominence in the blog header to a tagline that encapsulates the subject matter and tone of the blog. I’ve decided to crowdsource to you fine brain surgeons the task of crafting that new, pithy tagline.

When you think of GWS, what do you think of? (Besides devastating good looks and intoxicating charisma, I mean.) If you had to sum up GWS to one of your friends, what would you say?

In a comment on this post, propose a tagline you think would be great for GWS. My favorite will win a $25 Amazon gift certificate. And glory. And my hearty appreciation.

Rule things:

• Feel free to enter as many times as you like, but obviously quality will be favored over quantity.
• All entries are due by next Thursday, June 3. I’ll select my favorite and announce the winner sometime shortly after. (I need some time to deliberate; I’m not perfect, after all. Except for my looks and natural scent and knowledge of Buffy minutia.)

Thanks for the assist, blog-readin’ people! Looking forward to your ideas. Further, if there are other changes or features you’d like to see in the new blog design, please let me know.

Subsequently, Lions Gate Home Entertainment and their PR company stiffed you people on the DVD they had promised and then botched their communication of said stiffing. Several Strongly-Worded Emails later, I do have good news: in addition to a $10 Amazon gift certificate (which will come from the warm recesses of my own pocket), the winner of the Planet Hulk contest will also receive a Planet Hulk poster signed by über-artist Alex Ross (who happens to have done the Planet Hulk box art).

I love a happy ending. Especially since it was turning out to be really challenging to craft a voodoo doll in the shape of a “Lions Gate”.

With that, I present to you my favorite entries:

Most Esoteric Reference, via Tyler B:

In quite possibly the best profit/plot motive ever, the aliens in Liquid Sky come to Earth to steal our heroin.

Best Run-On Sentence, via Johnathan B:

My favorite was the pliot from – They Live
where the aliens don’t want to kill us they don’t want to eat us the just want to rule us by using a satilite to make it so we can’t see subliminal messages or there true forms… Sort of and the only way they can be seen is by putting on some sunglasses… Yeah I’ll buy that
but I lovvveeee the part where Roddy Pipper walks into a bank sees a couple of them and say The Line “I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass… And I’m all out of bubblegum” and starts blasting the aliens with a shotgon and a colt

Most Matter-of-Fact, via Kyle:

Whenever I think of aliens, I always think of the original V, and that lizard baby sticking out it’s forked tongue.

Most Unnervingly-Random, via John E:

Hands down, without a question, it *has* to be that episode of Welcome Back Kotter where Horshack was abducted by Gray’s and anally probed. Seriously, I laughed, I cried, I fell down. It was Ok.

Driest Delivery of Sarcasm, via Wayne G:

There was this movie called Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull that had to do with aliens. It was kind of great, especially when he hopped in an old fridge and was thrown a great distance in a nuclear explosion.

Most Indisputably Correct, via Joshua B:

ALF!!!! c’mon, the writer was on heroin whilst coming up with stories about a cat-eating alien living with a middle class family, and made it a national craze!

And finally, the actual winner of the Planet Hulk contest–who ultimately won me over with a unexpected-yet-delightful Johnny-from-The-Karate-Kid shout-out–is Shad:

As a kid I loved a show called “Hard Time on Planet Earth”. Martin Kove (who played John “Sweep the leg” Kreese in the Karate Kid) was an alien soldier sentenced to learn humanity on Earth. He had a robot watcher named “Control” that was a little like Skeets from Booster Gold. Every week (all 12 of them it was on) they had to come to the aid of the little guy (us puny humans) and learn a lesson about being human.
If I were to watch it now I’m sure my hand would be covering my face at least half the time.

Congrats to Shad, who will soon be the proud owner of things of some monetary value. Hooray, things!

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Add this to the list of nice things I do for you: (1) Look awesome. (2) Allow you to admire me. (3) Show you pictures of Star Trek nerds who make you feel better about your own existence.

You’re welcome.

To enter to win the DVD:

Leave a comment on this post, indicating your favorite storyline about aliens from a movie or TV show.

I’ll select my favorite and announce that winner in a new post this coming Wednesday, January 27.

Rule things:

• Enter as many times as you like, but favor quality over quality; one really clever/hilarious/pithy entry has a lot better chance of winning than five compellingly-lame entries.
• Winners outside the forty-eight contiguous U.S. states pay shipping. Because this ain’t a money tree, it’s just a plain ol’ blog.

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There were many standouts among the entries, and I highlighted some of my favorites, below. The winner is listed at the end of the post.

Most Nerdy, via “batty”:

during my freshman year of engineering school, i received a pocket protector for christmas.

Most Awkwardly Charming, via “Dg”:

the geekiest gift I ever received was an accordion. so I was 10 with matching sweatsuits and glasses on a string and an accordion. how fabulous.

Most Japanese Super Power Batshit Crazy GO!!!, via “Eels”:

I was recently gifted 40 mangas. It’s more otaku than geek, but they’re close to the same category, no?

Most Unfortunate, via Silvia:

I received the collection of Harry Potter and the Twilight Saga for Christmas Eve.

Most Zombie-rific, via Darren:

This christmas I received a garden zombie. Yup you heard me right, Garden Zombie. It’s the head, shoulders, and arms of a zombie coming up out of the ground and you put it in your garden to scare people.

Most Esoteric, via Henry:

I got into yo-yoing about two years ago. I know, who really YO-YO’s these days? My best friend decided that she’d gift me a yo-yo. For Christmas two years ago, I got a yo-yo made by the German company, “Henry’s Yo-Yo”. She said it was perfect, cause it had my name all over it XD.

Most Old School, via Topher:

…friend of mine was cleaning up while moving and realized he hadn’t thrown away his laser discs and the laser disc player along with it. He offered the player and his library of discs to me and I JUMPED at it.  Inaugural disc to play in Laser Disc player now that it’s in my possession? Star Wars? Empire? Nope. Return of the Jedi, because one can’t get enough Slave Leia and there isn’t the Ewoks “yub yub” song in the Special Editions!

Superlative Parenting Award, via Shane:

This year, for Christmas, I got Transformers pajamas…matching Transformer pajamas to my 3 year old son’s.

Most Consistent Quality + Quantity, via Victoria:

Well, just this past Christmas, all in one package I got Yoda Santa, a handpainted portrait of a zombie, blood energy drink, super hero magnet set, an X-Files book, and a PCB board from an Atari Centipede game. All wrapped in Spiderman wrapping paper.

Most GWS-Appropriate, via Scott:

I have a couple: for my birthday this year my wife duplicated the battlestar galactica cake you featured a while back. (in Sept)

Most Sycophantic, via Chuck:

My wife added me to the ‘Great White Snark’ e-mail list…

The actual winner of the Family Guy Presents: Something Something Something Dark Side DVD is Athene, for her hilarious/utterly-geeky entry:

Last year I got the full Star Wars Princess Leia Slave outfit- From my mom. With a note. “I need more grandchildren.” Geeky, yes. Weird, yes. But if we have another girl we agreed to name her Leia!

And it doesn’t hurt that I can relate to wanting to impregnate someone wearing a Slave Leia costume.

Other people: just because you didn’t win or I didn’t call you out doesn’t mean you didn’t have a solid entry or aren’t actually a geek. You are a geek. Just not the sort of one winning anything from me today, aside from appreciation. I enjoyed reading every single one of your entries* and thank you for submitting them.

* Except maybe for the one that just said “a Dell Latitude.” Which made me a little sad.

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So I’m giving away a copy of Family Guy Presents: Something Something Something Dark Side on DVD. Satisfied? You can put those looks away now, you forlorn bastards.

To enter to win the DVD:

Leave a comment on this post, indicating the geekiest gift you’ve ever received.

I’ll select my favorite and announce that winner in a new post this coming Sunday, January 3.

Rule things:

• Enter as many times as you like, but favor quality over quality; one really clever/hilarious/pithy entry has a lot better chance of winning than five compellingly-lame entries.
• Winners outside the forty-eight contiguous U.S. states pay shipping. Because this ain’t a money tree, it’s just a plain ol’ blog.

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Since I’m nearly infallible, I bet the blame goes to James Spader. And not just for his atroticious treatment of poor Jonathan Switcher in Mannequin, this time.

Patrick J takes the Stargate 15th Anniversary Edition Blu-ray home with this comment:

In the newer Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory with Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka, all the oompa loompas were no longer orange but a clone of the same guy. This guy happened to be mexican, thus showing that the mexican does all the manual labor around the chocolate factory.

UPDATE: A GWS reader points out that the actor who played the Oompa Loompa is actually of Indian descent, not Mexican. Obviously I didn’t do my research on this. ‘Cause, really, who needs research when you’re infallible-ish? Anyway, congrats to Patrick for being unintentionally racist in the most ironic way possible. I enjoy his comment twice as much, now.

Yeah, wow. While the rest of America drooled all over megastar Johnny Depp’s performance, Patrick was looking out for the little guy.

So to speak.

(Believe me, my bad puns pain me much more than they pain you.)

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In addition to the theatrical and extended cuts of the film, a slew of featurettes, a documentary, and other goodness, the Blu-ray features a “never-before-seen gag reel,” which I can only presume includes director Roland Emmerich’s pitch for 10,000 B.C.

To sign up to win a copy of Stargate 15th Anniversary Edition on Blu-ray:

1. If you haven’t already, get an e-mail subscription to Great White Snark. It won’t cost you nuthin’.
2. Leave a comment on this post. In the “Mail (will not be published)” field, enter the same e-mail address of your subscription, so I know who you are.
3. In the comment, name the lamest racial stereotype or caricature in a geek movie. The more hilariously offensive, the better. (Consider the way-to0-obvious “Jar Jar Binks” off limits.)

I’ll select my favorite and announce that winner in a new post next Tuesday, October 13.

Rule things:

• Enter as many times as you like, but favor quality over quality; one really clever/hilarious/pithy entry has a lot better chance of winning than five compellingly-lame entries.
• Winners outside the forty-eight contiguous U.S. states pay shipping. Because this ain’t a money tree, it’s just a plain ol’ blog.

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Of course, as with Highlanders, so it goes with the winner of the Superman/Batman: Public Enemies Two-Disc Special Edition: there can be only one.

The lamest moment in Batman/Superman team-up history comes from Bill:

Lamest moment in their teamup history? I think it has to be when they faced Composite Superman. He had all of the Legion’s powers, and a vendetta against Supes, so he shapeshifts to be half Superman…half Batman? And green?

As stupid as he looks, his powers make him unbeatable. But he still loses…when his powers wear off. Way to wait him out, Superman and Batman.

Let’s not forget the lamest thing about Composite Superman: his name. What it lacks in imagination, coolness, or poetry, it gains in literalness.

Honorable mention to Shad, who will take over the crown if Bill can’t faithfully perform the duties as this week’s winner. Shad knows I have a soft spot for comically-unintentional(?) euphemisms:

The part of Superman & Batman: Generations where they wisely decide to call Bruce Wayne jr. “BJ”. Way to scar a child early on.

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And the early reviews bode particularly well for this one. (Check out the trailer for yourself.) Of course, it doesn’t hurt that they brought back the spot-on-perfect voices from the original Batman and Superman animated series.

No, it doesn’t hurt at all. Not until you rip the band-aid off, and then I squeal like a little girl at a Zac Efron lookalike contest.

To sign up to win a copy of Superman/Batman: Public Enemies – Two-Disc Special Edition on DVD:

1. If you haven’t already, get an e-mail subscription to Great White Snark. It won’t cost you nuthin’.
2. Leave a comment on this post. In the “Mail (will not be published)” field, enter the same e-mail address of your subscription, so I know who you are.
3. In the comment, name the lamest moment in Batman/Superman team-up history.

I’ll select my favorite and announce that winner in a new post next Tuesday, September 29.

Rule things:

• Enter as many times as you like, but favor quality over quality; one really clever/hilarious/pithy entry has a lot better chance of winning than five compellingly-lame entries.
• Winners outside the forty-eight contiguous U.S. states pay shipping. Because this ain’t a money tree, it’s just a plain ol’ blog.

Check out other Warner Blu-ray releases on their Facebook page. (Plug, plug.)

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Because frozen faces can’t carry the show, alone. Especially not bearded ones that still reek of Dawson Leery‘s special brand of insipidness.

Check out the Blu-ray’s full list of features. (Preview: There is no featurette entitled, “Pacey Witter: From Mole-Eyed Boy to Bland-Faced Man.” Disappointment.)

To sign up to win a copy of Fringe: The Complete First Season on Blu-ray:

1. If you haven’t already, get an e-mail subscription to Great White Snark. It won’t cost you nuthin’.
2. Leave a comment on this post. In the “Mail (will not be published)” field, enter the same e-mail address of your subscription, so I know who you are.
3. In the comment, name the best (i.e., most insulting) use of (make-believe) “science” in a movie. (My top-of-mind favorite: deadly laser weapons enabled by giant diamonds in 1995′s Congo. Take that, you damn, dirty apes!)

I’ll select my favorite and announce that winner in an update to this post next Tuesday, September 22.

UPDATE: Damn you good people for making this such a difficult decision. And good on Jo for being the first one to recognize that Michael Bay movies are surpassed only by Devlin/Emmerich movies in their ability to insult audiences with pretend science. “Independence Day, the Mac infecting the alien computers.” Runners up: Michael Bay movie mentions, Nuking the Fridge, and silly 80s movies (Real Genius, Weird Science).

Remember that next week I’ll start announcing contest winners in brand-new posts. Your responses truly deserve the attention. Well. Most of them do.

One entry per person. And remember, cheaters never prosper, because I’ve got your IP address, people: duplicate entries are dopey entries.  Winners outside the forty-eight contiguous U.S. states pay shipping. Because this ain’t a money tree, it’s just a plain ol’ blog.

Check out other Warner Blu-ray releases on their Facebook page. (Plug, plug.)

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