Great White Snark » Japan

This Time You’ve Gone Too Far, Japan: Japanese Kids vs. Zombies

Great White Snark — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 12:30:20 +0000

Listen, Japan, your shameful fetishes, heartless TV pranks, and ridiculous, over-the-top game shows (link NSFWish) have all been fun, games, and giggles for the rest of us. But that was when you were directing your antics solely at your adult population.

Now you’ve gone too far.

I spent the first minute or so of this (subtitled) video infuriated with the producers, actors, parents, and studio audience who conspired to make these little, impressionable kids think that their home was being invaded by an honest-to-goodness zombie. (And then they laughed about it! Sadistic bastards.)

But then the little fella in the #05 Colorado jersey happened.

Move over, Any Guy Who Gets to Make Out with Kristen Bell, ’cause this young man is my new hero. I don’t use the word “epic” that often, but the double-sword beat-down of the zombie at 3:39 was epic. Other gems:

“Come here, you stupid! I will destroy you!” (2:31)

To the douche with the microphone: “Don’t you dare say the zombie will get me, you don’t help at all!” (3:18)

I hope the kid’s prize for surviving his TV experience is an exit visa to Sweden.

Via Reddit, who was going to start an amnesty program for little kids victimized by Japanese TV shows, but then got distracted thinking about making out with Kristen Bell.

Find Marvel Zombies figures on Ebay

Thanks, Japan! (No, Seriously): Japanese Dudes in Suits Dancing Hypnotically

Great White Snark — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 12:30:50 +0000

Japan is notorious for producing wacky shit that consistently guffaws in the face of good taste. (And the internets are grateful for it.)

However, as recompense for slow-posting on GWS the past few days, this morning I offer you some wacky shit from Japan that actually manages to be both entertaining and tasteful. Cool, even.

Enjoy this video featuring the Japanese dance group “World Order” pulling off some (wacky) hypnotic dance* moves.

* Maybe one of you kids can tell me what kind of dancing this is. And then shut up so I can make fun of you. You dance dork.

Find Mechagodzilla toys on Ebay

Seriously, Japan, Just Stop It: Birthday Cat Is Bored

Great White Snark — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 19:19:15 +0000

I guess it could be worse. They could have put him in a tie with little Hello Kitties all over it.

Via Neatorama, who doesn’t think there’s anything more beautiful than the birth of a LOLCATZ image. Except maybe regular childbirth.

Find origami napkin design kits on Ebay

Dance, Wolverine, Dance!: Hugh Jackman in a Commercial for Lipton Iced Tea

Great White Snark — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 08:06:41 +0000

Behold this ad for Lipton Iced Tea, titled “Tokyo Dancing Hotel”.

Way to go, Japan. You’ve really done it this time. Your batshit-nutso powers have turned Wolverine into some jubilant dancing dandy, like he’s some sort of Broadway star or something.

Oh, wait.

Via SCI FI Wire, who once went to Japan and got his cosplay stuck in a Hello Kitty anime Godzilla manga robot-toilet %$*&#$!

Find Wolverine costumes on Ebay

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Thanks, 1970s Japan!: Insane Star Wars-Themed Commercial for Sea Chicken [Video]

Great White Snark — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 07:18:09 +0000

Answer: Chewbacca jumping and yelping like someone just gave him a hearty Wookiee-neutering. Horrible doppelgangers of Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, and Princess Leia. “Sea chicken,” a screeching mantra that will haunt your ears like nothing else since “RED RUM.” The geisha-like version of C-3PO that you never imagined could be more effeminate than the original. Typical Japanese batshit craziness.

Question: What can you find in this Star Wars-themed Japanese commercial for Sea Chicken from the 1970s?

Lesson? Japan thinks all white people look alike. Also? Why do drugs when Japan has got your bad trip right here, man?

Via Topless Robot, who wants to be a sea chicken farmer when he grows up.

Find Star Wars costumes on Ebay

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Custom Hello Kitty Fingernails Look Like Colorful Little Tumors

Great White Snark — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 08:48:37 +0000

Someone spotted at the Tokyo Nail Expo yesterday apparently dipped their fingernails in partially-digested Hello Kitty parts.

Fact: Hello Kitty has a gumball machines where her lower intestine should be. Which explains why nutty Japanese schoolgirls continue to gobble her crap up.

Via Tokyo Mango, who chooses to see Japan as “fruity,” rather than “nutty.”

Find custom Hello Kitty goods on Ebay

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Sayonara, Sucker: Hello Kitty Punisher Tattoo [Geeky Tattoo]

Great White Snark — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 05:49:43 +0000

Hello Kitty Hell has pumped more than its fair share of wince-inducing Hello Kitty tattoos into the tubes of the interconnected nets (Hello Kitty Boba Fett tattoo, anyone?), but this Hello Kitty Punisher tattoo takes the (soy sauce-soaked Japanese rice) cake.

Kitty of Liberally-Licensed Annoyingly-Pandering (Non-)Cuteness, I know the Punisher, and you, dear, are no Punisher.

In spite of four* of my five senses feeling punished when I look at you.

* I threw up down the front of my shirt a little bit.

Find insane custom-made Hello Kitty items on Ebay

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Thanks, Japan: Sega Zippo Lighters

Great White Snark — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 16:00:39 +0000

Looks like Japan took a break from winning hot-dog-eating contests, drawing naked anime ladies, and fetishizing Hello Kitty to produce yet another ridiculous novelty: Sega Zippo lighters.

‘Cause why would you make a really small video game console that plays games when it can light cigarettes, instead?

Because Japan, that’s why.

But wait… there’s more. The price of ownership of the most unattractive Zippo that Western eyes have ever seen? $115.

At $5 it’s an amusing conversation piece. At $115, it’s two video game collectibles short of a dude in his underwear dancing in front of his Neo Geo collection.

UPDATE: Topless Robot discovered that the **import** price of the lighters is a whopping $155. The price of fail just went up.

Via technabob, who shares my thoughts, but not my xenophobia.

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My Eyes Hate Me: Hello Kitty Boba Fett Tattoo [Geeky Tattoo]

Great White Snark — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 02:18:29 +0000

So, for this Hello Kitty Boba Fett tattoo–courtesy(?) of Hello Kitty Hell–everyone can blame Lori, who said on the GWS fan page yesterday:

Boba Fett makes everything awesome. I’d even dig a Boba Hello Kitty.

How do your words taste now that you’re eating them, Lori? Hmm?

Yeah. Take your medicine. The burning sensation just means it’s working.

Find insane custom-made Hello Kitty items on Ebay

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Geek Loot: Japan Does What Japan Does Best in This Book of Batman Manga

Great White Snark — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 06:22:21 +0000

Way to conform to stereotypes, Japan. As soon as you get a hold of Batman, you stick him in some manga and have him battle giant insects, robots, dinosaurs, and villains like “Go-Go The Magician.” (Cousin to the less-well-known “Ray-Ray The Pawn Shop Dealer.”)

I guess I should just count my lucky six-pointed Hebrew stars that that you didn’t add further insult to the character by pitting him against one of your other manga staples, the sexually-aggressive evil octopus (NSFW link, kiddies).

Anyway. If you’d like to see what happens when Batman meets the insanity of giant-monster-laden Japanese manga, you might want to check out Bat-Manga!: The Secret History of Batman in Japan. It’s available in paperback and also in a limited hardcover edition, for when a volume of translated Batman manga–heretofor unknown even to DC Comics–from a single year in the 1960s just isn’t quite obscure enough.

In 1966, during the height of the first Batman craze, a weekly Japanese manga anthology for boys, Shonen King, licensed the rights to commission its own Batman and Robin stories. A year later, the stories stopped. They were never collected in Japan, and never translated into English. Now, in this gorgeously produced book, hundreds of pages of Batman-manga comics more than four decades old are translated for the first time, appearing alongside stunning photographs of the world’s most comprehensive collection of vintage Japanese Batman toys.

Vintage Japanese Batman toys? Count me in for a fully-articulated Go-Go The Magician figure.

Find more geeky collectibles on my Lootist profile. Natch.

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