Today’s good news is that a full nine minutes of footage from Robot have hit the intertubules (complete with commentary in Russian!*), and it’s got Japan looking over its shoulder in the International Batshit Relay Race. You can check out the footage, below.

Further, enjoy these quotes from the Robot press kit, which clearly sprang from the same spring of 18o-proof ambrosia that fueled the director of the film:

Mission – creating a andro-humanoid robot – Chitti

Andro-humanoid robot? That’s basically like an android, but with a lot more syllables, right?

Purpose – to help the society

And, apparently, to break lots of shit in the process.

Development time – 10 years

Well. Andro-humanoid robot development doesn’t happen overnight.

Configurations – speed one terra hz, memory one zeta byte, processor Pentium ultra core millennia V2, FHP 450 motor from Hirata, Japan

A Pentium? You loaded this thing up with “one zeta byte” of memory, and didn’t bother to upgrade the processor to a model manufactured after the 1990s?

Oh, well. I guess the good news is that your andro-humanoid robot is powered by a motor featured in the power seats of many popular automobiles.

Special Features – A human who is not born but is created. He can dance, sing, fight, is water and fire resistant. He can do all that a human can do and more. He feeds on electricity. He takes instructions literally. Where a human can lie to save himself this andro-humanoid robot Chitti cannot lie.

Of course he can’t lie. His Pentium barely has enough computing power to operate a set of elevator doors as it is.

Trouble shooting – Where he has a razor sharp memory and can memorize an entire telephone directory by just running through the pages, he cannot understand human emotions. Dr. Vasi upgrades Chitti’s processor and simulates human emotions without realizing the repercussions. Chitti gets transformed. He can now feel, and the first feeling that he discovers is Love.

OF COURSE IT IS.

Via LikeCool, who thinks Chitti’s processor was obviously upgraded to a Core 2 Duo, which sports that fancy “feelings” technology.

* Which is like the salmon garnish on a raisin-and-sauerkraut sandwich.

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If not, I have just the merciless barrage of over-exuberant fanboyism for you, in the form of Matt Mulholland performing the Ghostbusters theme song in 14 part harmony (with himself).

Via Unique Daily, who has never before been driven to file assault charges after an a cappella performance.

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I mean, sure… great attention to detail. But really it was the pretty, pretty lights that sold me. (See pic, below.)

Via Proton Charging, who heard that this cake would have happened sooner, but Bill Murray was holding out for more money.

* Which is like, 87, in internet years.

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Regardless, it took a special kind of ninja video-editing skill to recut this trailer for Ghostbusters, set to that aforementioned music, and have it result in something so bloody spectacular. (Ok, ok… 17% short of “bloody spectacular,” but still really damn good.)

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Burton’s team designed a Superman costume covered with everything that trashy people and casinos have used to scream desperately for attention since the early 1970s, including chrome, neon, blinking lights,  and those little, flexible, illuminated plastic tubes that people used to twirl around at 1980s rock concerts.

Until now, we’ve only seen photos of this hot mess. But now, there’s video. Glittery, flashing video.

Via Topless Robot, who coincidentally sees everything as glittery and flashing after his nightly bottle of scotch.

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Acts of terrorism are happening in the USA, Japan, France and the Pacific Ocean. The man behind these events is Dr. Butler, who tries to rule the world with his powerful computers. To save mankind, Dr. Kim, Sheila and Keith, known as “Saviors of the Earth”, are summoned. The last battle, the Deadly Game, will take place inside a computer.

Sound familiar? Now check out footage from the movie and enjoy a particularly-disdain-packed case of deja vu.

And because insult tastes better when it’s mixed with injury, footage from Savior of the Earth was eventually edited together with three other (presumably also-craptacular) movies to form an uber-crap movie called Space Thunder Kids.

Via io9, who just figured out that nothing screams “quality” like “space thunder.”

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Toss in the director of The Pink Panther and the writer of Summer Catch, and you’ve got a spectacularly-impressive piece of cinematic crapularity in the making. Which–as evidenced by this first trailer for Real Steel–is exactly what Disney has delivered.

Holy. Crap.

This is a real thing. That a bunch of people in Hollywood made. Using many millions of dollars. On purpose.

Via ScreenRant, who I’m sure would like to remind us that Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel raked in $220 million in the U.S., so perhaps people will go apeshit over soulless, karate-kicking robots.

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Leave it to Captain Kirk to deliver the most spastic, over-acted performance. Even when compared to an untrained child actor–Judd Apatow’s daughter in the scene from Knocked Up.

Via The Awesomer, who compares Captain Kirk to an untrained child actor all the time.

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And… scene. Thank you.

Anyway, you get the idea. Enjoy.

Via Topless Robot, who skips all the hukking and gasping when he soils himself.

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I selected two of my favorites from the submissions. First, I chose a modified clip from Aliens for its technical impressiveness and visual splendor. (I.e., it looks really effing cool.)

And then I selected the hilariously-enhanced clip from Jean-Claude Van Damme’s magnum opus Hard Target because, really, what JCVD needed in that movie–aside from someone taking a weed-whacker to his mullet–was a light cycle. Obviously.

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