Because “awesome” is apparently what you find at the intersection of zombies, unicorns, robots, rainbows, and piranha plants from Super Mario Bros.

Via Super Punch, who knows that “bawl-some” is what you find at the intersection of rainbows and dead unicorns.

Find the Dismember-Me Plush Zombie on ThinkGeek

Via Sexy Green Babes, who’s pretty sure that bloody cleavage is against corporate dress code. And it almost certainly is if any bloody nip is showing.

* If you had a nickel for every time you’ve heard that, eh?

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And everyone else has an excuse to roll their eyes at the tactlessness of letter-writing zombie fans. “A picture of rotting flesh? In the mail? For me? Whomever should I thank for this??”

The Stationery of Horror comes via boingboing, who thinks you should quit your bitchin’; it’s not like you were getting all this other awesome mail before now.

Find Marvel zombie figures on Ebay

Find Lego zombie minifigs on Ebay

I mean, seriously… who’s the target market for this thing? Homeless people? Teenagers who enjoy being shunned? Lazy cosplayers? Either way, I’m not seeing huge market potential.

Via Fashionable Geek, who thinks I’m–yet again–underestimating America’s capacity for poor taste and terribly fashion.

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Oh, sorry… were you waiting for me to say something critical? No such luck. I’m ogling these bad boys like a [lazy analogy about an adolescent boy looking at naked boobs for the first time] or [joke about Topless Robot getting lost in wonder at the liquor store because he's a raging alcoholic].

Via Neatorama, who’s still waiting for me to be critical. Any second now. Aaaaaany second…

Find the zombie Star Wars posters in the Neatoshop

Because I’ll never infect your favorite character actor with a zombie virus. Unless you ask me nicely.

• The Walken Dead. (GET IT?) http://bit.ly/aZd5d1
• George Takei makes “douchebag” sound like poetry. http://bit.ly/cvrO7Q
• Ok. I think I’ve found the definitive JAPAN, WTF?! of the week. http://bit.ly/a1l6fC
• BEST. RETRACTION. EVER. http://bit.ly/aQcbx6
• Something tells me neither Marvel nor DC is getting royalties for this. http://bit.ly/b78pGB

Find the Zombie Brain Jell-O Mold on Amazon

Unless your children are cool with seeing Teddy Ruxpin bloodily ripped apart by a kitchen blender. In which case… have at it.

Via Neatorama, who wants to know what your kid thought of Saw 3D.

Find zombie teddy bears on Ebay

Now you’ve gone too far.

I spent the first minute or so of this (subtitled) video infuriated with the producers, actors, parents, and studio audience who conspired to make these little, impressionable kids think that their home was being invaded by an honest-to-goodness zombie. (And then they laughed about it! Sadistic bastards.)

But then the little fella in the #05 Colorado jersey happened.

Move over, Any Guy Who Gets to Make Out with Kristen Bell, ’cause this young man is my new hero. I don’t use the word “epic” that often, but the double-sword beat-down of the zombie at 3:39 was epic. Other gems:

“Come here, you stupid! I will destroy you!” (2:31)

To the douche with the microphone: “Don’t you dare say the zombie will get me, you don’t help at all!” (3:18)

I hope the kid’s prize for surviving his TV experience is an exit visa to Sweden.

Via Reddit, who was going to start an amnesty program for little kids victimized by Japanese TV shows, but then got distracted thinking about making out with Kristen Bell.

Find Marvel Zombies figures on Ebay

Now go have yourselves some fun, you nutty social deviants, you.

Find the Gummy Brain on ThinkGeek