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The Top Five Best Science Fiction Apocalypses

In honor of last week’s fantastic final issue of the now-classic Y The Last Man.

No, this list doesn’t include the global-warming-inspired ‘apocalypse by ice age’ (a la The Day After Tomorrow), because I’m already giving writer/direct Roland Emmerich credit for Independence Day, and any credit is practically too much credit for that dude.


As seen in: Independence Day

As long as our alien overlords allow us to continue enjoying Lost and Friday Night Lights in high definition, then I think I can find a way to adjust.

In fact, if the aliens could figure out a way to pipe 24×7 quality, HD programming into our homes, they’d have a pretty easy time of subjugating our race.


As seen in: Terminator, Maximum Overdrive

When was the last time you changed the oil in your car? Or cleaned out the inside of your refidgerator? Or said, “Thank you spewing all that money at me,” to an ATM?

Yeah, the machines can’t wait to kill you.


As seen in: 12 Monkeys, I Am Legend

When I think back to the nasty case of mono I got my senior year of high school, I become more and more convinced that patient zero for any deadly viral outbreaks in the future will be a member of a high school drill team.

You don’t know where those girls have been.


As seen in: Every single George Romero flick, 28 Days Later, World War Z, The Walking Dead

The upside of a zombie apocalypse is that you finally have an excuse to take a shovel to Paris Hilton’s head after she’s turned.

Or before. Whatever. Bonk!


As seen in: Y The Last Man

Imagine if you were the only man left on a planet of women. And it was left to you to repopulate the human race. With your penis, the biggest one left one earth. And millions of women, desperate for sexual contact, turned to steamy, lesbian love.

Yeah. Imagine that.

Now excuse me while I take a few minutes to reflect on that… nightmare.

7 comments… add one
  • Mina February 8, 2008, 10:12 am

    Witty and I completely agree on 5! But I would prefer to watch Heroes and new Joss Wheedon’s series and I will serve them to death. AS for the number one, I’m afraid… I’ve fought enough b!tches in my life already.

  • Nathan D February 8, 2008, 11:10 am

    “In fact, if the aliens could figure out a way to pipe 24×7 quality, HD programming into our homes, they’d have a pretty easy time of subjugating our race.”

    Sounds eerily like the status quo, GWS. Hmmm.

  • Cindi February 8, 2008, 3:18 pm

    Where did you find the picture of two girls kissing? Oh. Right. That would be the Internet.

    If women could find a way to beam 24×7 quality, HD programming of steamy lesbian love into men’s homes, we’d have a pretty easy time of subjugating the male gender. (Not that I’d “get” why men find this so fascinating. I’m just sayin’.)

  • Anim8or February 9, 2008, 9:25 pm

    the fascination with girl on girl action (as someone who has witnessed it first hand on a few occasions) is that if women are into the female on female thing, they are way more likely to want a boy toy with them while they play (at least in the minds of most men). Since this would be the number one male fantasy we are talking about it’s clear why men like to watch women. Plus it’s just plane awesome.

    Unlike women, Men actually LIKE the idea of being treated as a pure sex toy for a large group of hot women. Perfect life for a man, being used by women for the purpose of reproduction (“excuse me… I could be used for snu snu”), and occasionally entertainment of other sorts involving violence of some kind.

  • nat February 9, 2008, 9:41 pm

    The Zombie Outbreak is most awesomely done in “Shaun Of The Dead.” Love the post!

  • Mina March 13, 2008, 1:03 am

    I loved Shaun of the Dead, it was a very good parody to the Romero films… actually I saw on a DVD extra that the screenwriters were Romero’s fans
    Beware the Z Day

  • Ray October 28, 2008, 5:27 pm

    Again, late to the party.

    The aliens in ID4 were basically wasting their time by sending down the various little ships to blow up cities with the sloooooooowly expanding wall of fire (why not just a damn nuclear blast?). To kill off life on the planet, all they would’ve had to do was keep their “1/4th-the-size-of-the-moon” mother ship parked in orbit. I’m sure something of that magnitude would’ve ruined the tidal patterns of the oceans and eventually led to an ecological disaster, causing a widespread mass extinction.

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